I Screamed For You Alternate Ending
by KristaffJeepers
Summary: This is the story of when Jacob ran away. New ending. r
1. Chapter 1

_I Screamed For You_

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_I'm closer to where I started_

_I'm chasing after you…_

_I'm falling even more in love with you_

_Letting go of all I've held onto_

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_Chapter One: Darkest Forest I've Ever Seen_

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This is my new Fan fiction. I gave up on the other one. I just couldn't find the inspiration to write it… sorry if I'm disappointing anyone. I'm sticking by my Jacob thing though… I love Jacob Black, and if you don't, don't read this. I got a lot of mean reviews on Howl, and I mean… that's fucked up. People need to grow up, people write, its self expression, and if you don't like it. Keep it to yourself. So I mean. Just. If you don't like it… I don't really care… sorry but I don't.

I don't know if anyone will like this one… it's a lot different than the others I've written… I mean... it's a bit depressing… it has cutting in it… and suicide… so if you aren't into that kind of thing… don't read this… but I think maybe a few people will like it… idk though… trial and error… 

This takes place as soon as Jacob says the whole "and Leave Jacob Black behind me" thing

I ran through the woods. It was silent but I knew it wouldn't be for very long. She made her choice. I don't know why I ever tricked myself into believing that she would ever want me. Every limb in my body ached. It felt different in this body. It was more of a physical pain. Every muscle in me ached. I wanted to forget her. But I was scared to. I needed to… but I couldn't… I had to have that hope. In order to have a reason to live. Though I never had a reason as soon as that bloodsucker came back, I should have known that she would forgive his sorry ass… anger felt more raw in this shape. I could feel my head pulsing. I couldn't think. Not about anything but Bella. I realized I was slowing down. Then I was at a dead stop in the middle of nowhere. It didn't matter where I was… my wolf body was tremoring; it wasn't a feeling I was used to. I shook directly into my human form this wasn't something I wanted to deal with in my human form. I was on the ground, tears streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't breathe, I felt like I was hyperventilating through all the sobs that ripped from my chest. This hurt. This must be heart break.

When the sobs stopped I just laid in the dirt tears streaming down my cheeks thinking about all the good times. I hoped when she was a monster that she still remembered me 300 years from now, because I would always remember her. No matter how long I lived I would always remember her mahogany hair, her chocolate brown eyes. The perfect curve to her lips, the softness of her skin. All of it. I would never forget her. And I would never try. She would be the memory of the girl I fell in love with, and now that I knew I wouldn't ever see her again I was falling even more in love with her. I choked a little on a sob and tried to think about something else. But she invaded me again. I could just lay here forever. Never moving. Stop breathing. Nothing mattered at this moment.

As I ran through the woods I thought of mostly depressing things. Things that didn't matter things I'd lost, things I wanted, things I missed, and mostly everything had to do with Bella. Her name sent an odd shiver down my spine. I was home now I could smell it. I don't know why I came back, but I did, I didn't want my father to see me suffer like this, I didn't want my pack brothers to see this, I didn't want anyone to see this. No one but me needed to. I phased. I knew no one was home. And walked to the tiny fading red house. I could smell the light airy scent of Bella she had been here recently, of course she had, she was looking for me. Everyone was, I had learned to successfully only think the things I wanted the pack to know, so not even they knew where I was. I walked in. everything was the same other than there was a small piece of paper on the refrigerator, "Have You Seen This Boy?" this was obviously Charlie's idea everyone knew no one would "see this 'boy'" I crumpled it in my hand and threw it in the garbage. I walked into the bathroom shutting the door behind me and leaning against the wall. Bella grazed my thoughts again. I couldn't go more than 2 minutes without thinking about her. The silence had become home. So it was weird to hear people talking on the beach and cars. I liked the silence. It was easier for me to think. And right now all I wanted, Was to wallow. I played me kissing her in the field before the fight. That's the last memory I had that was worth anything. I looked at my chest it was full of scratches and gashes from running through the woods. Apparently when you're not happy you don't heal to fast. I looked through the medicine cabinet, looking for something but not sure what I was looking for yet. Then I saw it. It caught my eye with a slight glitter. It took my breath away. It was exactly what I seemed to be aching for. My breathing kicked up a notch. I grabbed the tiny razorblade and held it in my hand. The light glittered off its edge subtly. It was sharp. Very sharp. This was something I had never done in my life I had never cut myself or thought about suicide. But right now my body was aching for that tiny silver object. I took it in my other hand and pressed it against my wrist, I knew it wouldn't heal right now, so I pressed down, I felt it cut through a few layers of skin and pulled it across my wrist. Blood spilled out onto the tile I dropped the blade in the sink and held my bleeding arm over the sink. It felt like a relief to do. I felt better, but worse at the same time. I picked up the razorblade and cut myself 4 more times, blood spilled evenly into the sink. I just watched and prayed It would take away some of my pain with it…

I lay in my bed running my fingers over the gashes on my arm it had bled for a long time, but now I could think more clearly. I could think about other things other than the pain and the pain didn't seem like it was as bad. It hurt. And I found tears dripping onto the sheets often. But not nearly as bad as it was. I could hear a familiar sound suddenly. It was my dad's wheels against the street. I contemplated whether to jump out the window and pretend I was never here, but I figured all the blood in the bathroom would scare him. I ran the tips of my fingers lightly over the gashes. I didn't wanna move from this position anyways. The door opened. No human ear would pick it up but I did. Of course I would. I moved my legs further out so they were almost dangling over the bed and rested my hands behind my head. I could hear him wheeling towards the bathroom, I decided to just let him figure out I'm here. Instead of telling him. I heard the door shut and then an audible gasp

"Jake??" I heard him call

"Yep, I'm home dad…" I muttered barley loud enough for him to hear me.

"When did you get home?"

"Hour ago… maybe two."

"Come clean up all this blood." I smiled to myself and stood up and walked into the bathroom there was blood all over the floor, all over the sink all over the tub and a bit on the counter. I grabbed a washcloth and wet it

"So where did you go Jake?"

"Running…" I muttered

"For 2 weeks?"

"Yep."

I wiped it off the counter and then I saw the razorblade sitting on the counter, I could have sworn I put that in my room. I couldn't pick it up if I didn't expect Billy to say something. I kept wiping

"Where did you go?"

"Everywhere…" I wasn't in the mood to talk about it… and apparently he didn't get it.

"Bella's looking for you." I snarled. It was an unexpected sound.

"Whoa Jake… a little touchy?"

I rolled my eyes and got on my knees wiping up the blood on the floor

"What's all the blood from anyways?" Billy finally asked the million dollar question. I sighed and kept cleaning. I didn't want to talk. I had made it for 2 weeks without talking. I think I could make it now. Maybe I should have jumped out the window when I had the chance.

"Jacob?"

"Huh?" I mumbled as I stood up and rung out the rag

"What's all the blood from."

"People bleed." I answered simply

"Well Jake… you're not 'people' you aren't human." I growled. I was human enough. I would have been better for Bella, not that disgusting parasite. I growled deep in my chest again

"Wow you're really grumpy."

"You would be too." I said quietly as I started rinsing out the sink

"What happened to your chest?" He asked. Ooh great… now he's realizing I'm not healing

"You run. You run over bushes." I moved to face to tub and started scrubbing. In a sudden movement his hand was around my wrist pulling it towards him. I pulled it away easily

"What happened to you Jacob?"

"Nothing HAPPENED." I was starting to shake.

"What's this?" I knew without even having to turn around that he was holding the razorblade. _My personal savior_ The Thought was weird to think… but that's what I had now… a blade… nothing else would matter to me… except what I could never have…

"Well. It's a razorblade, some people use them to shave their face, some use them to cut designs into paper, and some of them use them to cut away their pain. Those few people are usually a little on the odd side, but that's okay, because I mean… no one wants their heart broken… huh?" I surprised myself with the amount of words.

"Cut away their pain… Jake don't tell me…."

"Yeah dad, I slit my wrist… 7 times…" I held up my arm

"Jake…"

"Don't 'Jake' me old man. Ooh and tell Bella when you see her I send my love." I said as I walked out of the room I was out the door in the matter of seconds. I didn't know how mad my dad was. But I didn't really care. It didn't really matter. Nothing mattered now. It all stopped the second I touched that razor to my skin.

_My Personal Savior…._

_My__ Personal Sun…_


	2. Chapter 2

_I Screamed For You_

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_I try to remember to forget you_

_But I break down every time I do_

_It's left me more than zero_

_Being down and bruised…_

_Cuz everywhere I look I can see how you hold him_

_How long till this goes away??_

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_Chapter 2: Left with nothing in the world_

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A/N: How are you liking it so far… don't forget to review… I always wanna know what your thinking… Advice? I'm still writing it all up so let me know! REVIEW!!!!!!

I walked slowly through the woods. Bella was at my house again. What surprised me in this? She knew I wouldn't come back. She hoped I would but she knew. I didn't understand why she didn't just go off and be happy with her damn leech… she wanted him soooo bad, why not go be happy with the murderer now?? I sat down underneath a tree and stared at my arm. At all the scars and wounds that she had carved into me with every move she made. I had an unnecessary countdown until the day she gave her life away to the bloodsucker. Seth was going. He wanted me to go with too, but I knew it wasn't a good idea to watch the whole un-natural process go on. Its like marrying a heap of mashed potatoes… you eat them. Its dinner. He'd probley just end up killing her in the process of changing her. I involuntarily shivered. I could see red. I didn't wanna phase, Leah was there… Leah was ALWAYS there… her and her bitter thoughts, hating Emily, I could see where she was coming from though. so I tried to avoid her, so I couldn't sympathize with her. I didn't wanna feel sorry for anyone but myself. I dug through my pockets until I found the silver object I was looking for. It had become a ritual of sorts for me. Every time I felt bitter I would just drag it across my arm a few times until I was numb to whatever it was that was bothering me… I watched the blood drip down onto the leaves and debris underneath me. Nothing seemed to surprise me anymore. Not even the amount of blood. It seemed like death would almost help me right now. I decided to listen to everything in the wilderness. I listened to the people inside houses, I wasn't that far from home. I never was, I listened to people at the beach. It was rough water today I could hear the tide slamming against the rocks, I could hear people yelling to each other, I could hear birds, deer, dogs, cats house animals, wild animals, and cars. I was listening so hard that the sudden start of a familiar vehicle startled me. It was Bella. I knew it was. I pushed hard to keep my body in the same shape, the red fog smoldered around my entire body trying to find an entry to make me into what made me inhuman. I fought against it. I could hear her voice

"Well if you see him… Tell him…" I didn't want to listen so I childishly put my hands over my ears humming to myself. I didn't wanna know anything she had to say. The red fog shimmered over my entire body I was tremoring so hard that the tree behind me was quivering. I closed my eyes and moved my hands to my temples

"I will Bella, and he will come home…" and with that I blew up into a wolf I put my head back and howled so loud it hurt my own ears. I took off running. This is the last time I would be anywhere near when Bella was around. I didn't wanna hear what she had to say, and I didn't wanna know that she was in La Push, I wanna just pretend she's dead, she will be in less than a week, the filthy leech would slip up and kill her, all for his own thirst…

_Jake… please come home. I know your there… we all heard you… please… Billy misses you, and so does the pack… everyone wants you back… _I heard Sam's voice. Didn't they understand that I wanted silence… I wanted my own head? I wouldn't have phased if it hadn't have been forced upon me. I didn't even wanna be this monstrosity…

_I'm not going home… you all can stop worrying, stop missing me… its all over… I'm staying gone. I cant go back…_

_But you can… we all want you back… please Jake… please come back_

_I'm not going anywhere…_

_Bella misses you._

_I don't care…_

_Yes you do… I know you do._

_I don't care if she misses me… she chose the bloodsucker, now let her have him. Tell her to just leave me alone. I don't need her as a baby sitter. I don't need anyone… I have what I need. _

_Jacob…_

_Just leave me alone._

I ran as fast as I could through the woods, ignoring the thoughts of everyone elses… it was hard to concentrate with everyone thinking about me… I stopped and phased out. I didn't wanna hear their thoughts about missing me and worrying about me… and all their sentimental shit. I sat down next to a tree and pulled out my blade, one for hearing her voice, one for hearing Billy's promise to tell me and one for phasing unwantedly all I could hear here was my own thoughts and the sounds of the deep woods. I closed my eyes and drifted away with sleep

When I woke I was laying on the cold ground. There was dried blood on my arm and a mud caked razorblade laying next to me. I picked it up and wiped off the bloody mud and put it in my pocket. I didn't wanna run, but I didn't wanna just sit. So I stood up and started walking through the woods it was dark now I didn't know how long I had slept but it didn't really matter when I had nothing else to do anyways. There was a light summer breeze I looked up the stars were perfect tonight. 15 days. I thought to myself. It didn't matter. But it did all in the same. It shouldn't matter. But it did… the constant ache in my wrist reminded me that it mattered to me… deep inside it mattered. Because no matter where I looked, no matter what I thought she was ever present in my mind. She was always there. Haunting, screaming, no matter what I did I would never forget her, there was nothing that mattered to me more than her. nothing, I repeated to myself. I phased and started running through the woods. I didn't know where I was going. But I knew I wanted to go there… further from her? closer to her? did it matter?

_Jacob… _It was Leah

I ignored her and ran faster why did she have to be here every damn time I phased? Couldn't I just run all by myself in silence

_That's what I wanted too Jacob. I wanted to run away, be alone. But it never helped… nothing did…_

Wait… why could she hear all this?

_I can hear it because your weaker than you were when this first started… your loosing Jacob Black… your becoming someone else_

Good that's what I wanted… wasn't it? I wanted to be a wolf, just a wolf, choose this form over the other.

_It will never work Jacob…_

_Ooh Jesus Christ… could you just shut the fuck up? I wanna run in silence… do you not get it?_

_I get it plenty… but I know from experience that its never gonna work. Have you forgotten who you are… What you are? You are a protector. You should be with the rest of the pack protecting… and no matter what you will never be in silence… because there has to be someone watching over the tribe. Since apparently you don't give a damn._

_I'm not… not anymore… and I give a damn… just… I'm not willing to dedicate my entire life to it anymore…_

_It was what you were born to Jacob…_

_I don't care… people are born to fame and riches everyday, and not all of them take to it…_

_Whatever Jacob… do what you want… wallow over her… whatever… she will be dead soon enough_

I decided not to answer. So I concentrated on her not hearing everything I said. I stopped and phased that was the only way I could know for sure she couldn't hear what I was thinking. I leaned against the nearest tree dug out the only thing that mattered and cut myself. This was what my life consisted of now. Nothing else should really matter.


	3. Chapter 3

_I Screamed For You_

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_I'm in the middle of a break down_

_Watching you scream_

_In the middle of a breakdown _

_Screaming at me_

_Speechless and frozen_

_Uncomfortable silence again_

_What did I do to make a scene so gory?_

_I'm not better than the ones before me…_

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_Chapter 3: She said it… _

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REVIEW on the last segment! Pleez! It would make me so very happy! This is the last free chapter… I will post more if I get some reviews… so be happy. And don't forget to review! 

I contemplated as I got closer to the small house. I knew I shouldn't be here. I knew I shouldn't have even thought it. I knew it was a bad Idea. But I did it anyways… because I'm stupid. I knew I was too. I knew she wasn't home. Her truck was gone so I didn't know what I was so worried about. It was the note in my back pocket. I stopped at the front door. And thought. No one was home. This isn't a good idea. Come on Jacob. Just do it. I urged myself. I grabbed the spare key unlocked the front door replaced the key and walked in. I could smell Bella. The strawberry of her hair, the fresh scents that blew off her every time there was a breeze. And the distinctive scent of vampire. Just a reminder that this is a bad idea. Come on. I wasted all that time if I don't give her the note now. I climbed the stairs up into her bedroom. It was just how I remembered it. With the bed perfectly made with her purple bed spread, the ancient computer set up on a wobbly desk. Everything was the same. I smiled a bit to myself. I could smell his scent undiluted in here. He had been here. Less than an hour ago. I closed my eyes for a minute and focused on Bella's scent. I could feel my heart beating differently. It always did when I thought about her. I loved her. Too much. It was unfair. I knew I loved her more. And I knew I could give her so much more than he could. I could give her a life. I could age with her. Give her a family. Everything a normal couple should have. But she was giving it all up for 'immortality' so she could be a killer too. I grabbed the note from my back pocket and read it one last time.

Bella,

Stop looking for me… I'll come back after you and your "husband" are gone. I will come back when you aren't here. I don't need this. I shouldn't have to deal with it day by day but I do. I have to know you chose him. Every day. Every day I have to worry about your mortality. This isn't something I ever wanted.

I want to see you one last time. One more memory, then I will lock you away forever. Meet me at First Beach in La Push as soon as the suns down… if you don't show up… I'll get it…

I Miss you Bella… A lot…

--Jacob

I folded the bloodied page back up and set it on her pillow and jumped out her window and ran into the woods. No going back now.

As I paced through the woods I thought about her. Her face, her skin. Her eyes. All of it. It left me gasping for air against a tree. Now I knew why she always gripped at her sides when she thought about her parasite. I refused to think his name. It didn't matter. She was 'his', his little meal. I laughed UN comically at the thought. The sun would be going down in about an hour. I didn't know if she would show. I figured she would. She hadn't been to my house to talk to Billy today. I paced some more through the woods. I had no idea where I was really. I knew I had been here before though I could smell my blood. Which sent me aching for my razorblade. But I didn't have the will to do it right now. I just wanted to think. it had been silent in my head for the last few days. Leah probley went and told them all that I wasn't gonna protect the tribe. Why do it? There's nothing to worry about as soon as the Cullen's are gone. 14 days… I choked a little on the sob that suddenly ripped through me. tears streamed down my face. As I thought about it. The realization that I wouldn't ever see her after this. That all I could ever have of her is the memory, which would fade with time. But I would always love her the same. I wouldn't ever see her after this visit. If she came. I had already gotten my hopes up. I knew that was a bad idea. But I had. I knew the minute I met her, I should have just not tried. I knew she liked that idiot Cullen. But I never thought it would turn into anything more than just a crush. I told her what he was. Without even knowing that it was true, if I could have just shut my mouth, she wouldn't know and they wouldn't be together anymore. And I could have been there… for her. For everything. If the future seeing little leech wouldn't have ever come back this wouldn't be a problem, she would still be with me in my garage. I knew I shouldn't miss her like this. It wasn't healthy. But I didn't care. With every moment she was gone I got colder. I can't even pretend that this will go away in time I knew it wouldn't. This isn't just some teenage crush…

The sun was almost down the seconds were ticking away. I didn't wanna disappoint her. I didn't want her to know I was suffering. I had to fake it. And I had to fake it good. I knew it would be hard. Considering that I hadn't even tried to fake it when I was alone. I could stop and break down whenever I needed. I could stop and bleed whenever I had to… I could stop and do whatever was necessary. But I had to look normal to her. She couldn't know I was in as much pain as I was. As I was thinking I was interrupted by a familiar sound. I could hear her engine. I choked on the rising lump in my throat. And swallowed hard. I couldn't break down. I couldn't. I had to fight against the pain. No matter what. Even if she showed up and said she hated me. Said mean and hurtful things. I had to just fight. Seem strong then I could go where ever I needed to and I could break as hard as I wanted to. Bleed to death. Whatever I needed. The engines roar died. And I heard her open and close her door. Then she was walking. I fought the urge to get up and run. I wasn't sure if I could hold it together. But I had to try. I needed to try harder than I was right now. I couldn't even let myself doubt. I could hear the clatter of the rocks hitting the bottom of the cliff below. I pushed my hair out of my face and practiced breathing. This would be just like every other time I saw Bella. Only it was actually goodbye this time. There wouldn't be another time to say what I had to say. And I had to except that. And let her go. She wanted him. She was happy with him. I should just let what was meant to be… be…


	4. Chapter 4

This is my alternate version of my story. I came up with a new idea when I was re reading. Lemme know what you think. if you have read both lemme know what one you liked more

I screamed for you

Calm down…

Dun take it too far

I dun wanna talk an heal yer stars

So I'm ready when you are…

Chapter 1 ½: Silently pleaing

AN this is a new version of I screamed for you. I wasn't happy with how it went. So I will re write it. Lol

"Jacob?" I heard her say from behind me

"Yeah… it's me Bells…"

"Ooh thank god, I was getting so worried about you… none of the pack members knew where you were and no one had seen you or talked with you… I was so worried about you Jake…"

"I'm Fine…." _Fine as someone who got ditched for their moral enemy. _I added mentally. I refused to turn and see her face till I absolutely had to. I hear her walking closer to me she sat down next to me. It wasn't very dark out tonight.

"Are you coming back now?"

"No…" I answered her I looked at her face finally. She looked the same only tired.

"Billy's worried…"

"Yeah. I know… everyone is… I've been told… daily…" She smiled at me and ran her fingers through my hair, I shivered at her touch… I wanted her to touch me again like that, but I banished the thought… she didn't want me like that.

"You gonna let it grow out?"

"Yeah… probley…" I answered her. I shook my hair out it was to my shoulders now. My heart felt funny… with her here… I didn't hurt. I was suddenly very aware of my arm. I pulled it closer to my body and held it there with my other hand. I didn't want her to notice.

"Are you okay Jake… Honestly?"

The question puzzled me in ways… I didn't wanna answer truthfully. But I didn't wanna lie to her… it didn't make any sense I wanted her to feel bad and leave the bloodsucker for me… but I knew she wouldn't… I knew she would stand by her murderer for all of eternity. But I loved her more, and I was better for her. But she didn't see that. She was stuck in her mind set that he loved her. He loved her because she smelled good, and he couldn't see into her mind. She was something he had never encountered. And in the midst of it he fell in love with her.

"Jake?"

"Ooh… sorry… I spaced…" I stuttered.

"Are you?"

"Do I have to tell the truth?" I muttered. I meant to think the words… but I didn't regret them after they were out.

"Yeah… you do…"

"No…" I answered honestly.

"Can I help?"

"You could… but you won't…" I said truthfully again. Her lips twitched a little.

"Why won't I?" She didn't get what I was saying…

"I'll always love you more… I want you to choose me… but I know you won't… I don't even know why I asked you to come here… It was stupid of me to think that this would help anything. I knew it wouldn't… but I tried anyways. I was right though. It was a bad idea… I should just let you go home… you have better things to do than to sit here with me… go plan your wedding Bells…" I stood up and went to walk into the woods she grabbed my hand

"Please don't leave Jake… I wanted to talk to you…"

"We talked… there's no new news… I mean… I don't care what your wedding colors are… and I mean that's all you have going on right now… so I mean… just go be happy with Edward and live your life… I shouldn't have written to you…" I pulled my hand away from hers and walked away into the woods. Her face weakened me. Everything screamed inside me to go back to tell her. To scream it from the rooftops. But I didn't matter to her. Not much… she was in love with me… but it didn't make a difference… it made enough of a difference that it made it harder to let go of her. I fought myself. I wanted to go back. But I knew I shouldn't. It was a bad idea. This whole thing was a bad idea. All of it. I shouldn't have ever given her that note. I should have just let her get married. Now my last memory of her was worse than the other. I needed one last memory. One last thing that would be ours. Something that her bloodsucker would never have. Something that would purely and truly be mine. Forever. I bolted out of the woods but she was gone. I ran all the way to the parking lot. But all I saw was her truck pulling out onto the street. My last chance was gone. That would forever be the last memory I would have of her. The tears behind her lids, the pained look. She really wanted me to stay.

(******** NEW*******)

I sighed. There was nothing now. I had to tell her. I told her in a way that I loved her. but it wasn't everything I had wanted. I know what I wanted her. I wanted her to just waltz into my arms and chose me. but I knew she wouldn't. I don't know why I even held out hope

My wrist was on fire. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was hyperventilating again. I choked on the sob that violently ripped through me suddenly. I tried to phase but I couldn't. I needed to get out of plain site. I took off in a sprint. And I didn't care if anyone saw me. as soon as I was in the tree line I found myself on my knees sobbing so hard that I was sure half of La Push knew. I needed the blade. More than I had ever needed it. I grabbed it from my pocket and fumbled with it against my arm. It was too dul now to do any damage. At least the damage I wanted to do. I stood up. I could feel myself imploding I threw the razor and it stuck into a tree.

"GOD DAMMIT, GOD MAMMIT! GOD DAMMIT‼‼" I yelled as I hit trees. They hit the ground. All of them. Tears poured down my cheeks. I couldn't live like this. I grabbed the razor out of the now broken down tree and pulled it across my wrist. It cut but not deep. I took off running suddenly I needed the release it would give me. in the matter of 3 minutes I was in the red faded house. That I once called home.

"Jacob"

"Shut the FUCK up." I said as I stormed to the bathroom. I ripped the medicince cabnit off the wall in my haste. I shoved through it. There was nothing. Not even razors

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I screamed the words

"I got rid of them if that's what you are looking for"

"You don't know nothing OLD MAN." I said as I flitted in front of him. I had never moved this quickly. A snarl ripped violently through my teeth he shrunk back but still answered

"I do. You are on a self destruction way. Look at you, you are already bleeding enough" he motioned towards my wrist

"not…. Enough" I said as calmly as I could manage. My wrist was aching. But only for more. I went through my drawers in my room. Finding the razor I used to use and snapped it in half it cut my fingers. I jumped through my window and started running though the woods

"JACOB BLACK!" I heard my father behind me yelling. Another snarl ripped out of my chest violently

As soon as I was at least a mile away I sat down next to a tree and opened my hand a bloodied razor was in my hand the blades exposed. I pushed it against the skin there and I could feel it cutting through a few layers of skin already. It hurt, but it felt amazing at the same time. I pulled it across my wrist as slowly as possible so it was deep. I let my head fall against the tree and then started up my wrist. I had always done across, but now I was gonna go along the vein. If I bled to death, I bled to death its not like Isabella would care. it sunk into my skin like a knife through butter. I pulled up all the way to my elbow. I watched it bleed. my sight started getting blurry. And then it was black.

A/N

New chapter? Or no? you like? You hate? Lemme know


	5. Chapter 5

I Screamed For You

I'm so fed up with everyone

Around me,

_No one seems to care_

I'm just so far gone

And nothings gonna change

_I'll never be the same_

Chapter 3 ½: Wait a minute while I vomit in my mouth

A/N: I know I'm the worst I never ever post anything anymore its hard for me to get inspired :'( but today I had a huge inspiration. Lol. So here it is. I hope I still have readers. Lol

The leeches touch repulsed me more than I had thought possible.

"cant I just be alone?"

"No. not at this moment Jacob."

"Okay. So this moment has significance? Well hold on a second while I vomit in my mouth" I faked a gag, but I didn't have to try too hard with the sickly sweet scent filling all of my senses. Anger was floding me over and over. I was getting madder and madder with every passing second. until all I could see was red

"Calm down Jacob" Alice soothed me

"Get fucked" I said crudly i hugged my arm tigher to myself and glanced at Bella. she hadn't missed the movement. She must know. I could see tears behind her lids. I wanted to touch her to soothe the tears. But in a sadistic way I wanted to see her hurt more. hurt as much as she had made me hurt.

I realized I was tremoring so hard it was rattling my teeth. Bella looked ashamed. Ashamed of me. of what I had become. I was suddenly so repulsed I wished I could throw myself off of this cliff and not survive it. I tried to calm myself. I put my hands to my temples in a effort to calm myself. I tremored harder and harder

"Jacob. Calm down" I snarled unwillingly I couldn't control the animal in myself. It was taking over me and rattling its way out

"Get her out of here" Alice said in a blur of words. The red film enveloped me and devoured Jacob Black I exploded in a sudden second. and instead of attacking the person I was the most angry at. The small black haired leech stenching up La Push I laid down the pain choked me in this form, now I remembered why I avoided it. I was down writhing in pain

"Jake!" Bella was sobbing as she looked at me I let out a low yelp. I was sobbing as an animal. It shoved through me violently like a wrecking ball. I felt like I was hyperventilating. Alice kneeled next to me

"We all know Jacob. I saw you… you are going to die"

_Good. Its what I want _I only wished she could hear my words.

"Please. Bella loves you. don't. please don't do it." I had no idea what she was talking about. Last night shone through my mind the blade tearing through layer after layer of skin. The wolf in me fought against me and whined I had no voices accompanying me. they must know too. I still didn't know what she was saying to me

"Jacob…" I could hear bellas voice. But she didn't speak.

"Jacob. Please don't. You are going to DIE. And she needs you more than you know"

_Yes. She needs me so much that she is going to become a monster just like you are. _

I choked on a gurgled howl. I hadent ever felt this in my entire life. I wondered idly if the circus freak had known this would happen. She muttered things calmly to me that I had no care to listen to to anymore. I tried to stand. But my limbs wouldn't allow it. I howled letting my ears flatten against my head. Bella covered her ears. It was loud. And we were in plain view. A wolf. And a leech. This would go over great.

In an istant I was thinking of the one thing that helped. But at the same time made things worse.

The kiss.

I played it over and over. Pouring more and more salt into my wounds and rubbing it in with water the way she gripped to me. the way her lips moved against mine. The feel of her alabaster skin. The silk of her hair.

I wanted to hurt. So I played it over and over and over in my mind until I was sick with the sorrow. And I wanted nothing more than to feel the soft sting against my wrists.

I let the kiss grow to more in my mind. Now fantasizing about her nude skin rubbing against my chest. the feel of her hair on my stomach. Picturing her laying soft kisses on my lower stomach. And in that instant I shook into my own form. Naked and trembling. Alice knew this was going to happen and in a way I was grateful that she did because she had pants pulled out of her huge purse. She handed them to me I pulled them in a drug out movement. I looked at my father, he looked offended in a certain way, he was still reeling from me yelling at him. I smiled to myself. I let my anger pulsate through me now that I was slightly composed, I looked at the leech. She looked indifferent to the situation. I had no idea why she was even HERE she didn't need to be here. They could have just sent a messenger in my head. I saved the sweetest face for last, when I finally took Bellas face in, she looked concerned, with the same hurt behind her eyes. A short angry shiver ripped though my body. But I knew now I couldn't phase. Even if I tried. I stared at her for a long moment then I scoffed and turned around striding away

"Jake…" Bellas voice rung out her voice of course froze me in my place. I stopped and ran my fingers though my hair and allowed myself a moment to compose myself before I turned my head. I turned so I could see her she had strode a few steps forward from where she was and now tears were streaking her face. I smiled

"Happy wedding Bells, hope you find a better best man than I am" it came out bitter. Then I turned and strode into the woods. As soon as I was far enough I sat down against a tree. I shoved my hand in my pocket searching for my blade. I realized angerly that these were the pants the leech had handed me. I snarled and then felt something in the pocket. I pulled it out of my pocket. it was a folded piece of paper with my name written on it.

Now she was resorting to writing notes. Again. I wanted to throw up. what could she possibly say to me that she hadn't already said? I considered throwing it into the ocean and then I discarded the thought and unfolded the neatly folded paper

Jake,

If you are reading this. you didn't let Alice do what she wanted. Obviously. I told her it was hopeless anyways. I told her you would do what you wanted. But at least I wont have to stay up at night wondering 'what if'

Jacob Billy told me all about your arms and I wish you wouldn't do that to yourself… I know you don't wanna hear it but I do care about you. and I do want the best for you. I want you to fall in love. But its just not gonna be me…

Please Jacob if you read this. please. I really want to talk to you. alone. Come to my house tonight whenever you think you are strong enough. Edward is off on a hunting trip so there is no way he would show up. so please. Please come and see me. you left on a whim last time and I really do want to talk to you. Charlie will be gone too. He is staying with Billy if you didn't already know that

I love you. I will be waiting up for you. please come talk things out witn me…

--Bella

I choked on a sob. I don't know why it hurt, but for some reason it hurt me to know she wanted to see me. I felt tears slide silently off of my face and onto the paper making the ink from the marker run.

_I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you._

I read that line over and over. She loved me. but only enough to make things so much worse. I swallowed the lump in my throat and ran my fingers through my knotted hair I folded the note and put it in my pocket and pictured the words 'I love you' as I started walking. I didn't know where I was going. But I just walked.


	6. Chapter 6

I Screamed For You

Heavens waiting for you

Just close your eyes and say goodbye

I live my life in misery

Ide sacrifice this world

To hold you

Chapter 4 ½: with you here

A/N: sorry if my writing is a little bit bad. I am having a really hard time writing recently. Lol

I sat in the Rabbit watching the water flow by me in the river. The radio was on full blast. Some angry music that used to never hold appeal to me suddenly told the story of my life. I watched the water hitting against the rocks wearing on them year after year, I suddenly resented my mom, for leaving me and my sisters to take care of my father, and my sisters for leaving just me to take care of him. And I refused to go back there now. I couldn't stand to be in that house. It suffocated me every time I was even near it. I was considering just leaving Forks. Never ever coming back. I could just leave the wolf behind me. Bella would be one of them in 3 short days. And I would have to just let her go. Forget everything we had. and everything we could have been. I could have given her everything. Maybe not riches and looks. But I could have made her happier and she didn't have to change to be happy with me. she could have just been Bella. not a leech. She would have had about 60 years to be happy with me. just like every other normal human being would. I could feel the lump rising higher and higher in my throat. But I fought it off

I stared adoringly towards my massacred arm. It was just shreds pretty much. My entire arm was shredded. I smiled to myself. Leaning back in my car. My dad had looked at me funny when I had walked in the house

_Jake? My father yelled from the kitchen_

_Yeah… I muttered bitterly_

_Why are you here?_

_I'm not staying_

_Well of course not. Because you would have to care about your tribe for you to stay_

_I care. they don't need me. they have others. I had spat the words at him like poison_

_Bella called _

_I'm sure she did. I mumbled the words as I went through all of my drawers. I found a shaving razor and put it in my pocket and I grabbed a pair of pants and jumped out the window _

I twirled the shiny razor in my hand and played with it looking at it lovingly. I looked at the clock on the dash it was 1:00 in the morning. I hadn't slept since I passed out. I didn't need it much. Considering what I was I didn't need much sleep. Just another reminder that I wasn't good enough for her.

I snarled unexpectedly. the animal in me fought harder than it ever had in the past few days I didn't wanna feel the pain in that body I just wanted to be angry about it. I would rather feel anger than memory of her smile taunted me. just a memory that she was happy without me.

I started the car and started driving

I was there before I even registered I was going there. The white house stared back to me. I didn't wanna see it. But in a way I needed to see it. I parked the car and went to the front key using the keey from under the eves I unlocked the door and came in I could smell her. again with the mix of strawberry shampoo and vampire. Mixed in with her own flowery scent. I walked to her room she jumped

"Jacob…" she said relived

"Yeah… its me" I said dumbly.

"I didn't think you would come"

"I wasn't gonna"

"Sit. Please…" she patted the bed next to her. I walked to her side and sat down in the bed with her awkwardly

"So what did you need to say?"

"Can I see?"

"See what?" I knew what she wanted to see I wasn't an imbicul but I wanted to wait as long as possible to show her

"Your… arm" she blushed

I sighed and looked at it myself first.

"Bella…" I breathed her name with just a little too much passion.

"Please…" she whispered the word so quietly that I wouldn't have heard it if I was… human…

I flipped over my arm exposing the sickening gashes to her.

Her lips formed a small little 'o' and she looked at me. then reached out tentivaly touching it. I winced. But not because it hurt. Mostly because she had touched me…

I couldn't breathe. And I wasn't sure if I even wanted to at this moment. I wanted to die. Because again I realized it would never be. I choked on the unexpected sob. I had never actually cried in front of Bella. yes. She had seen me at my worst earlier. but there was no tears shed. I choked on another oncoming sob.

"Jake." She put her hands on my face and I tried to pull away

"Please don't Jacob." I felt a tear drip over my eyelid she pulled me in for a hug. It reminded me of when we were gonna ride motorcycles and she had hugged me, but this somehow felt deeper. Because she knew how I felt about her. I felt more tears silently falling

"Ooh Jake. Please. Please don't cry." Her voice shook. I pulled her closer to me. wanting to feel her skin on my bare chest. I could feel the slight tingle of the animal in me and in a way I wanted to just give in. in the sickest part of my mind I wanted her to feel pain like I did. And since emotionally she would never feel it. Maybe physically would do it. I shook my head and pulled back she cupped my face once again in her tiny hands and tried to look firm

"Its gonna be okay Jake. I promise"

"Its not…" I muttered as I pushed my hair out of my face

"Why?"

I stammered for a reason. They all flodded my head easily but I in a way I didn't wanna say them to her

"You… don't love me… not enough… and… I don't know Bella. I uhh…" I tried to get the words to come out thinking back to the last time I was in this bedroom with her. after I became a monster. Remembering the feeling of full relief as soon as I saw her face. The feeling that nothing else in the world mattered to me. and I would gladly give up every last thing I owned for her.

I shook my head. It made no difference. Maybe if I was strong enough to tell her earlier I could have told her, and it would have changed things. But I was too late now. My feelings were the less mattering to her, she loved 'Edward' his very name made my stomach churn. He made me sick. She was in love with a monster, A killer.

"Jake?"

"it doesn't matter. It doesn't make a difference. I don't even know why I came tonight. I don't know. I thought you would just magically change your mind or something and I was wrong. I was stupid to think you would." all the words surprised me. I was used to my silence. And in a way it had become home to me.

"Jacob. Just spit it out. I know you want to" she teased. I growled low in my chest as I thought about it. I tried not too look at her, I knew as soon as I did my willpower would commit suicide and I could gladly tell her any idiotic thing she wanted to hear… even if it just hurt me more in the end.

"Please" she pleaded. I snuck one glance at her chocolate brown eyes with her mahogany hair flowing to the middle of her back, her pale skin looked tired in ways. She obviously wasn't sleeping much recently. Just another reminder that soon she wont be sleeping at all. I looked away from her.

"I love you…" I said pathetically.

As If it somehow made a difference.

I ran my fingers through my hair gently and let my hand drop. And letting my wrist be in plain view once again

"That's why I do this to myself… I cant take it. I have to have you Bells. And you want me. I could give you so much of a better life. I could give you everything you could ever need. Maybe except the money…"

"Jake…"

"No… I imprinted on you Bella…" I whispered the words.

And again her lips formed a small 'o' in the darkness. I shook my head lightly

"and its still not enough…" I said sharply her face was so close to mine. I wanted to feel her soft lips press against mine so badly. But I wanted it to be her choice. I wanted HER to kiss ME. just to feel what its like.

I sighed and flipped my arm over so she couldn't see it anymore. Her face moved in towards mine and I could feel her warm breath on my face. For just a second I let myself hope that she would kiss me. I let the idea of it dance through my mind. She would move in not saying anything and press her lips unexpectedly to mine, her hand would find its way to my hair and she would press herself against my body her lips would part letting my tongue press to hers. And she would run her fingers up and down the length of my arm. I shook my head not wanting to think about it anymore. It was making my head hurt.

"Ooh…" She said quietly

"yeah. So this doesn't get better. it gets worse." I said acidly

She shook her head this time. I wished I knew what she was thinking

"I should have known" she muttered

"Yeah. You should have. Wasn't it obvious enough?"

"You hid it"

"That's because I didn't want you to hurt more from the bloodsucker leaving you!" the outburst made her jump

She didn't say anything

"I left the choice to you. I wanted YOU to make the first move. I wanted to hear you wanted me. and we could be together. But YOU the ONLY one I am EVER going to love is going to be the one thing that I CANT be with. Do you know how this feels?!"

"I've been through it"

"Yeah. With your parasite."

She shook her head. That must have hurt her

"I'm sorry" I said quickly

"No, I'm sorry… I hurt you so badly."

"Bella."

"yeah Jake…"

"I wish this was going to be okay. But its not." I muttered

"I want this to be okay too."

"Will you… PLEASE. Kiss me?" the words flowed out of my mouth before I could stop them. The thoughts of the possibibility of her kissing me made me shake internally

I wanted her to

She shook her head slowly

"Jake… i…"

"I know. I shouldn't have asked. I just… its all I want right now… please… just…" I stopped my rambling it wasn't making sense. Her lips were so close to mine already. That I could easily move to her lips and press mine against hers. But I wanted her to kiss me. and I couldn't settle for less.

"Jacob… he… just… I cant…"

I felt my heart shatter in my chest. I felt suddenly like I was going to hyperventilate, I needed to remain calm though. and she couldn't know how much that rejection hurt me. I ran my fingers through my hair hiding my face. I knew she would read my reaction

"I have to go." I said hastily

"Jake. Please don't."

"Why stay?!" I shouted as I stood quickly. I was tremoring. But I was in control of the animal this time

"Jake…" she looked ashamed the same looks he had at the beach earlier today

"I… have… no… reason… to… stay…" I unnunciated every word like I was talking to a 2 year old.

"I love you." she said

"Ooh I'm sure you do." I shook my head and walked out of the small bedroom

A/N:

Okay. Yet another chappy written for you guys. If you have an idea for me to write message me on here or write me a email at valospetalsofdesire_him Yahoo . com obviously no spaces. Lol. I need help with this one. xD I'm having like severe writers block… lol. The only thing I require for you to work with me is for you to have read I Screamed For You the original ending and such.


	7. Chapter 7

I Screamed For You

I always end up hating the end

Inm in the middle of a breakdown

Watching you scream…

In the middle of a breakdown

Screaming at me

Chapter 5 1/2: The Same

A/N: I'm gonna try my hand at writing this all my myself no help. Haha. That's what I've been doing. Lol I'm grounded from my computer that has internet so all I have is a word processing and paint. Lol so I will write a lot for you guys. Lol

I drove down the street. It was reaining now. I had no idea where I was going. I just knew I was leaving forks. I needed to get out. I needed to get away from her. she was haunting me. and I knew if I stayed here it would be the death of me. again the music on the radio made fun of me

'_before you hung up the phone all I could hear was the dial tone rung in my ear if I could go back in time Id say those 3 words I shoulda woulda, coulda said it back to you, and this cant be saved if you cant be found, you hung up and left me for dead on the ground.' _

I was completely numb. I waled out of the room with out even telling her how I felt about her. I told her but I didn't make it obvious. I sighed and kept driving. The faster I could make this thing go the faster I would be away from her. I looked over and my cellphone was ringing. A number I had never seen

I knew it would be the circus freak leech. She probley had seen me leave. U shoved my hair out of my face I couldn't make sense of why the parasite would care what I did. After all it didn't effect her at all

I pulled into a motel and parked I could just stay here for awhile. I was all the way in California. I had been driving for 4 hours. I went to the counter and asked for the cheapest room I could get and paid I walked the room it was a dump. But I couldn't care less. Bella wasn't within walking distance and her scent wasn't haunting me. only on my own skin but I would wash that away in the shower. As soon as I could find the will to move. I found myself crumpled on the ground choking on everything I had wished I said to her. I was in the middle of a breakdown once again. I searched through my pockets looking for the one item I felt could fix this. I found the small razorblade and I pressed it to my skin it cut through layers and blood instantly ran off my arm as I drug it across my skin I felt nothing. It didn't help. At all. I tried again deeper. But it didn't help at all. I threw it across the room and stood up throwing things across the room one of the walls buckled under the weight of the bed as I threw it I felt a snarl rip through my clenched teeth I sat down in the middle of the defiled room and let my head fall into my hands. I couldn't cry no matter how hard I tried. I was choking. But I couldn't get the sob out and I could make the tears fall no matter how hard I tried to make myself. I could smell the sweet scent of undiluted Bella on my skin. I walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower as hot as it would go and stepped in sliding down the wall fully clothed I just sat in the hot water letting it flow over me getting the scent of her off of me. I could hear everything in the entire motel. I could hear people talking, I could hear the register, I could hear crumpling plastic, I could hear the click as someone lit a lighter, I could hear doors opening, I could hear the racing of engines, I could hear someone typing on a laptop, and I could hear someone having sex, but as hard as I tried to tune that one out it was getting the best of me. all I could hear was the name he uttered 'Isabella.' Then it came the sob I was choking on. it came violently too. I buried my fingers in my hair and pulled as the sobs rocked through my body. I sat under the shower head as it poured scalding hot water over me just sobbing 'Isabella..' he breathed her name

'I love you' he muttered. I moved my hands deeper into my hair so I didn't break anything else in the hotel room. I wanted to scream. The sobs made it hard to breathe. And I found myself close to hyperventilating. 'Bella, please…' he muttered. I plugged my ears childishly and concentrated on the falling water I could still hear them though. a snarl escaped my lips again as I sobbed. I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time approaching and I realized I was gonna throw up. I pulled my limp body out of the shower to hover over the sink. the heaves made my chest hurt as I threw up. it passed just as quickly as it had come on and I sank back into the shower laying down. The hot water poured down my body.

'Isabella, god, I love you.' I felt the shower door shatter in my hand. I took my had away from it and buried my fingers in my hair again. I could suddenly hear the short vibrating bursts of my cellphone ringing again I got out of the shower. And picked up the phone it was the same number that has been calling for hours I pushed the green button

"Alice." I said her name

"Yeah. It is. Jake. Come back."

"Cant." I said brokenly

"Why?"

"Her… she's… there"

"I saw everything. And I know how you feel. I am not one to reason with a dog, but your dad needs you, and so does your tribe…"

"They don't need me at all. They were fine before me and they will be fine now."

"So you are giving up?"

"Yeah it sure sounds like it doesn't it?"

"Jacob. You cant"

"I can do whatever I chose."

"Bella loves you."

"Bella loves Edward" it stung as I said it

"You don't feel anything because its not what you need" Alice said. It confused me

"The blade." She said the words sharply

"Fuck you. don't talk about what you don't know"

"I do know. I have been watching your future."

"And why is that?"

"I Love Bella and Bella loves you so I am required by her happiness to keep you safe. She doesn't know you are gone yet. But she will."

"No one knows except you and no one will know. so just. Leave me alone. I cant take it."

"Someones gonna have to pay for the room." Alice said sarcastically

"I will."

"You only have 2,000 dollars."

"1,800 now." I muttered

"Can you at least let me wire you money?"

"I don't need help."

"You do."

I snarled

"Jacob. You can either take my help or you can die."

"Well considering what I am… I cant die. And then 2nd of all if I DO die that would be REALLY helpful."

"I know you imprinted on her. I know you love her. but it is one of those things you have to let go. Or at least not run from."

I scoffed

"Okay Opera."

"Will you take the money or not?"

"No. I wont."

She growled over the phone

"WHY?" she exclaimed suddenly

"because I don't need vampire hand outs."

"Then why did you answer the phone?"

"so I could tell you to stop calling."

"No you didn't you answered because you thought in the back of your head it would be good news."

"Sure sure. Bye Alice. Tell Bella I said.. nevermind…" I said as I hung up.


	8. Chapter 8

I Screamed For you

In this farewell

There's no blood

There's no alliby

Cuz I'm drawen regret

From the truth of 1,000 lies

Chapter 6 ½: Here and now

A/N: I think I'm only gonna do a few more chappys and then ima end it. So r&r xD

_Today was the day. Today was the wedding day_

It repeated over and over in my head. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I could stop picturing her. in her white dress and veil, I sometimes pictured myself in the place that Edward held. And I sometimes pictured myself running in as a wolf and killing them all. Vampire, human. All of them. Except Bella. I was living in the broken motel room. I had gotten to know each and every one of the people that were staying here by just listening to conversations. The only one that fascinated me to no end was the 'Isabella' woman. She was in her teens. She was running away from home. She was with her boyfriend and they were worried that the cops were going to be looking for them. They were going to vegas to elope.

In a way I was jealous. I wished in my own way that I had a story. Something that wasn't pathetic

I wished in a way that it was me and Bella in that position. Making love in the middle of the night. holding her close to me afterwards and telling her I loved her and she would return the sentence. I ran my fingers through my damp hair. I found the only thing that could calm me down was scolding hot showers. I looked at the clock it was 10:00. Her wedding was at 2:00. And the reception started at 3:00 until around 6 or 7

Whenever I thought of this I always pictured after the wedding and the reception her white dress being stained with crimson and the filthy bloodsucker standing over her possessively like some sort of delicious dessert to him. I growled low in my chest and stood from the broken bed and started pacing. If I left now I could make it there by 1:00. I could talk to her… no…I couldn't even consider it. She had made her choice. And I wasn't going to sway her love for the parasite. I felt like I was choking all of a sudden it was a familiar feeling. I couldn't sob. And I couldn't stop choking no matter how hard I tried. I looked at the clock 10:17 I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I picked up the remote and turned on the tv. It surprisingly lived through the killing of all the furniture.

'_tell me you love me. please I have to hear it.' _ Soap opera

'_Dracula was a evil creature, known for his.-' _ I laughed humorlessly to myself and changed the channel

'_the weather for today in Forks Washington is Sunny with a 45% change of rain later on today and in the high 70's' _I laughed to myself. It was sunny. The vamps were gonna hve to stay inside for the remainder of the day that tickled me pink inside in a way at least the wedding wouldn't be that wonderful

'_two missing peoples were filed for Isabella gertruio and kennt torguson earlier today the last place they were spotted was in Los Angeles California' _again I laughed humorlessly to myself they were about 6 rooms away from me. I laughed. I wouldn't call on them. They deserved to be happy together for however long it lasted. I looked at the clock again 10:31

I turned off the TV again and decided I would go driving. There was nothing else to do. I walked out the door and right into a small white stone

"Mr. Black" her voice made me wanna put a bullet through my head

"Ooh god." I said morbidly

"hello."

I gagged

"I see you are on your way back."

"I'm not."

"Well you have all of your bags." I growled I didn't even notice I had them.

"I'm going for a drive."

"Can I take you"

"No offense but your stench is making me want to vomit."

"I see you realized you can still do that." Alice was like a short Pixie stalker. She annoyed me

"yeah… I can…"

"You over exerted yourself."

"yeah I didn't need the reasoning behind it"

"Well you must have wondered once or twice."

"actually I didn't. you are annoying me."

"Yep so I have been told I am good at that.

"I brought you money." She said smiling. She held out a roll of money I scoffed

"How MUCH is this?!" I said surprised

"10 grand"

"What would I NEED this for?"

"Well I was thinking you could fix whatever went wrong with the car, get an apartment, you could feed yourself and you could afford gas for a month or two. That is if you are serious about leaving forks."

Her words took me off guard

"I thought so." She grabbed the money

"I will see you later today."

She said as she walked away. She was so annoying. The fact that she saw what I would do before I ever did it annoyed me to all hell. I heard her car purr to life and she pulled away. I walked down the stairs

'isabella' they were at it again. I got in my car starting it and pulling out of the motel and getting on the highway.


	9. Chapter 9

I Screamed For You

I am finding out

That maybe I was wrong

That I've fallen down

And I cant do this alone…

Stay with me…

This is what I need please…

Chapter 7 ½: just a little late

I pulled up to the red faded house and got out of the rabbit and walked to the porch I took a deep breath and walked in I could hear billy wheeling around

"Quil?"

"No. its me."

"Where WEREYOU?!"

"I was in California."

"We were all so worried! You didn't phase for days!"

"Yeah… it just seemed pointless." I said quietly as I pushed my hair back he wheeled around the corner and looked at me

"You look terrible Jacob"

"thanks." I said as I pressed my lips together I walked to my room and set my stuff down on the bed and walked to the bathroom

"What are you here for?"

"Shower."

"Ooh. Are you gonna leave after?"

"Yeah. But… I'll be back."

"so you are coming back?"

"Yeah. For now."

"ooh"

"yeah. I just… I will be gone later on today though. I think I'm just… gonna… go somewhere."

Billy sighed and shook his head lightly

"I have to go to the wedding but if you need me you can call me. that is assuming you aren't going."

"Yeah… I don't know what I'm doing dad. I'm just gonna… go with what is right for me."

"That's all you need to you Jake."

I sighed again turning on the shower and closing the door I stripped off my pants that I hadent taken off since I got in my first hot shower. I had had about 15 of those in less than 3 days

I pressed my hands against the shower wall and let the water just pour over my face and hair occasionally spitting the water that flowed into my mouth I was calm. Calm enough. I still had no idea what I was going to do about this. Billy was going but I had no idea what I was going to do. I would want to see her one more time. But I didn't know if I wanted to see her happy with him. I shook the water out of my hair as it ran over my body and finished my shower and got out I put on a pair of jeans and a sleeveless shirt I looked at the clock on the counter 1:20 I sighed and shook out my hair. Before I realized what I was doing I was in the car. and I was driving faster than I had in a long time. I found myself driving down the serpentine road that lead to the cullens. I parked the car and tried to calm myself. I could feel the choking sensation coming back but I had to hold that feeling back and then I could let it all go after this was done. I could let the choking sensation take me over. And I could take yet another scalding hot shower. I looked at my scabbed arm and wished I had worn long sleeves. I took a deep breath and got out of the car walking to the front door. Before I could knock Alice was there

"She's upstairs." She answered me

"You give me the creeps"

"Thank you." She said warmly and motioned for me to go upstairs I walked up the stairs and followed her scent. I found her in a large bedroom propped infront of a huge mirror she appeared to be freaking out

I plastered a smile on my face

"hi bells." I said warmly

She jumped

"Ooh Jeez! Could you please walk a little louder?!" she said exasperated. I smiled bigger and walked over I sat down in a chair and she flopped ungracefully down into one. Her hair was up in a intricate design and she had makeup on. I had never seen Bella wear makeup but she looked beautiful

"I came to talk to you."

"I know. Alice told me you would be here."

"What else did she say?"

"Nothing. Just that you would be here." I would have to remind myself to thank her later for not blowing it. I looked at her again taking in her whole body

"You are beautiful." I said to her quietly.

"Thank you Jake. And you look much better from the last time I saw you yourself." She said smiling

"I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"its okay. You shouldn't be saying your sorry I should be. I really. I have no idea why I had you come to my house. I just… I feel… very… drawn to you Jake."

It was there again. The choking sensation I had to talk with It though

"I love you." I said I could litterly feel the shards of my heart splintering off. It was killing me.

I had to remind myself to be strong

"I love you too Jacob."

My heart splintered a bit faster now.

"you have no idea." I said stupidly as I ran my fingers through my still damp hair. With no warning her lips were on mine. I responded quickly though pulling her close to me and kissing her back. She pressed her perfect body against mine running her slender fingers through my hair I felt my heart splinters going back to normal again as she kissed me she pulled back to look me in the eyes and kiss me on the lips lightly again

"I know how it feels Jacob. I do." The choking was making it hard to breathe she must have seen it In my eyes

"Jake. Its okay." She said gently as she moved in to press her lips to mine again. I sighed content with this action and pulled her down on top of my body so she was straddling me and kissed her back with all the force I knew she could take

"I love you." I growled the words

"Jake… please…" her words sounded like the guys from the hotel. The pure rawness of them made me quiver

"Please what? I will give you anything."

"Make love to me. please…" my breath kicked up 100 MPH I had always wanted to hear her say those words. The choking started again. I was dreaming. I must be. I ran my fingers through my hair the motion felt real enough. I pulled her lips violently to mine and kissed her picking her up with her legs wrapped around my body she kissed my neck and I laid her down on the bed in the room. As I slid up her body I felt something under the pillow I grabbed it. It was a strawberry condom with the words 'have fun –Alice' written on it. I smiled

"What?"

"Nothing" I said smoothly. I pressed my lips against hers and slipped her shirt off. I realized then that Alice was gone. She must have known this all along. And that was with her funny greeting. I didn't understand why she gave Bella over so willingly to me. and didn't fight for her brother but at that moment I didn't care to ponder it anymore. I pulled off my shirt and kissed her again her lips were swollen from the kisses I was giving her. I didn't have to treat her like fragile glass anad I could tell she liked that. She pulled me to her lips again kissingme roughly her tongue pressed against mine as she slid her hands down my bare back. She moaned against my mouth feeling the ripple of the muscle down my body she tried to push my cut offs off of me I laughed gently against her mouth and leaned back slipping them off she moved up putting her hands on my ass and pressing a kiss to my chest.

BPOV

Jacob naked was a site to be held. His perfect abs and muscled arms made me ache for him even more. I slid my hands down his perfectly muscled back and down to his ass pulling him against me I pressed one single kiss to his chest and looked up at him. He was perfect. He was the mos gorgeous person I had ever met in my entire life with his perfect abs, muscled chest, his biceps, toned legs, perfect skin color, eyes, and his lips. It made me ache in ways I hadn't ever felt in my entire life. I thought that I had wanted Edward like this until I saw Jacob like this. he just stared back into my eyes as I held him like this against me. I could feel something warm and hard pressing against my stomach. I knew without having to think too hard about it what it was.

"Bella." he panted my name. i leaned up as far as I could which wasn't very far considering he was on his knees and a whole lot taller than I was even with me sitting up. he leaned his face down and took my lips in his. Every time he kissed me it never lost interest to me. he was an amazing kisser. And he never had to draw a line in between right and wrong. his body heat was already making me sweat

JPOV.

I moved back and kissed her lightly on her chest. I felt too exposed she was still in a bra and pants. And I was in nothing. So I pulled back and bit the front of her bra. It snapped open she giggled lightly I threw it aside and moved back further trailing her stomach with my tongue, I unbuttoned and unzipped her pants with my teeth. She seemed amused that I could do this. I couldn't wait to show her what else I could do with my mouth. She noticed the smirk playing along my lips and ran her fingers gently through my hair I pulled her pants off of her and kissed her softly on her thigh.

"Jacoobb." She moaned my name softly. I felt like I was worth something all of a sudden. I slid my hands slowly up her thighs playing around her panties and teasing her. I was throbbing so hard it was starting to hurt I moved my lips to the waist band of her panties pressing my lips to her

"Jacobb. Please…" she begged me. I moved my hands slowly closer to her core and as soon as I hot there I pressed my fingers to her through her panties rubbing her softly

"Mmm. Jacooob." She moaned she was burning hot even to me. she moved her hands up to her hair burying her fingers deep in her hair Alice was gonna be frustrated about her hair. I again smiled to myself about that and rubbed her a little harder she groaned out some nonsense and I grabbed the waist band of her panties ripping them right off of her body and pressed my lips to her thigh again.

"Jacob. I wanna… I wanna do something for you." she said it shyly but I knew exactly what she was talking about. Hence the condom. I moved over and reached under the pillow laying on my back and handed her the condom. She smiled

"Strawberry? How did you know?"

"Lucky guess." I was defiantly gonna have to thank Alice when I saw her next. I moved pressed my hands to my temples lightly as I felt her touching me. I groaned lightly at just her fingers moving over me. then I could feel her mouth on me sucking. I was instantly lost for words. I had a smart come back for almost anything she had said until now. She guided her movements with her tiny hand and moved slowly on me. she couldn't fit much of me in her mouth. But it still felt amazing. I could feel her \hair brushing againanst my thighs as she moved on me I groaned and she took me out of her mouth laying down she looked at me and patted her stomach. I gladly got on top of her kissing her lightly on her lips I didn't want this to hurt her I pressed myself softly against her and pushed lightly kissing her on the lips. She wimpered and pushed herself harder against me I slid in her as far as I could go she moaned softly. I could smell blood but she was oblivious I moved slowly inside her

"Jacooobb." She moaned my name deliciously as I did what for so long I had hoped to do. She rubbed my back slowly as I moved against her body she moaned some more nonsense

"Ooh god it feels so good" she groaned the words she was sweating under my tempature but I didn't worry too much about it. The ecstasy was starting to drown me in her I couldn't think, it was all a jumbled mess.

Usually I could think just fine. But this was making me crazy, her sounds and movements were driving me straight over the edge.

"I'm gonna cum."

My consent exactly. And at that moment we bother went straight over the edge together. She screamed my name so loud that I was sure the neigbors could hear.

"Jacobbb."

Everything blurred around me. as wave after wave swept over my body. As soon as it was over I rolled off her

A/N:

Up next it the LAST CHAPTER! xD

So lemme know what you think. R&R‼! xDDD



I love reviews. Be nice though :'(


	10. Chapter 10

I Screamed For You

***

Was this over

Before

Before it ever began

Your lips

Your lies

Like the devils in your hands

***

Chapter 8 ½: I Fell In Love With Your Mistakes

BPOV

I sat in my room. Edward was across the room from me. He knew there was something wrong with me. But I didn't really wanna talk about it, he couldn't know. Alice knew, I felt guilty but in a sense I wouldn't have changed one single thing about it.

"did he hurt you Bella?"

_Far from it…_

"No. he didn't." I muttered. I felt distant from Edward. For some reason I didn't wanna be anywhere near him. And he just didn't get it. What happened with Jacob played through and through my head.

The wedding played over and over in my head too. I was staying here one last night then me and Edward were going to our 'honeymoon' as if I needed it.

"Please Bella tell me. I have to know. if he hurt you, God help him"

"He didn't hurt me Edward." I said it a little more snappy then I should have I could see the hurt in his eyes.

"Do you just wanna be alone Bella?"

"I guess. I kinda do" I mumbled

"Okay. You know you can call me if you need me, love" he flitted to my side and kissed me lightly on the forehead before dissapearing out the window

I sighed again. And my cellphone rang. I wished I could growl at that moment. I just wanted to be alone didn't anyone get that? I picked it up

"Hello?" I said sharply

"Bella. Sorry for waking you" it was Billy

"Billy? Whats wrong?"

"Its Jacob Actually .you should get down here as soon as possible."

"Is he okay?! Is he hurt?!" I said I jumped out of bed in a hurry

"You should just get down here. And don't worry Bells. Just get down here"

The line went dead. I snapped it shut and grabbed my car keys running out the front door, I jumped into the truck and missed the keyhole a few times in my haste

"Calm down"

"AH!"

I jumped at the sudden voice in the cab of the truck, I turned and Jacob was sitting in the truck

"How the hell-"

"Like I said. _Calm down_"

"That's the worst thing you can say to someone who is panicking! And how are you here? Arent you there?!"

"I left."

"Well then WHY am I rushing over there. I thought you were hurt- or, or… or killed, or victoria—"

He cut me off again

"Bella. You NEED to calm down" He smiled like this was humorous to him.

"Why are you SMILING?"

"Because. You should see your face"

"Why are you here?"

"Like I said. If you werent panicking, you would have heard me tell you I left."

"Okay. I get that. Then what was wrong with you?"

He looked away from me ashamed.

"Jacob?" I mumbled. the words seemed the echo in the small area of the cab

"Bella… I just…"he sighed. I thought about yesterday again. And the wedding came to my mind again. I don't even know why I still went through with it.

"Jake?"

He sighed and his breath caught in his throat.

"I don't know. okay. I just…I was depressed… and… i did what I always do… and it just… I don't remember anything except waking up with a leech in the room telling me to breathe evenly. And just… everything spun out of control like I was on some sort of crazy ride. And I remember… cold… for the first time in a long time. I was cold, and I could hear Carlisle telling me to breathe and I couldn't. I kept choking… the same way I always do. And I just… I… I don't know. and then when I felt a bit better I came to you. I don't know why I'm here. But I'm just… so drawn to you Bella. I cant… I just I cant live without you… I will die. I'm not being dramatic. I cant… I just…" he seemed to be choking on something like he had when I saw him last

"What did you do?"

"I tried to kill myself…"

"How?"

"Does it matter? I tried. and I failed."

"Carlisle saved you?"

"You could say that."

"Do they know you are gone?"

"No. Billy doesn't. I'm sure Carlisle heard me leave. I had to run. I needed to get out of there. I was suffocating on the air in there. And I just, I cant explain the pain Bella…"

I sighed as I looked into his dark pained eyes. He looked like he was in a lot of pain. I didn't know what to do. I put my hand out and touched his face lightly he cradled his face into my hand

"You have no idea how much earlier meant to me Bella. You will never ever understand. And then you chose him. After what we shared… it… I almost wish I could have been srong enough to say no to you… so atleast then I wouldn't always know what we shared was just a lie… its like… your love is just a lie to me…"

I felt tears stinging my eyes I dropped my hand to my lap

"No… don't stop… please…" he muttered his voice was strained. He was choking again.

"its not a lie. I love you Jake. More than anything in the world"

"Than why are you with HIM? Your gonna give up your life to him and you don't even love him?"

"I do love him. Just maybe not like I love you…"

He scoffed and ran his fingers through his hair

"you know your giving me up when you turn into his kind?"

I hadnt thought throughly about this apparentlyin the back of my head in a way I still imagined myself being with Jacob whenever I wanted and however I chose to be with him. But I was giving that up…

"it just clicked didn't it?" he muttered sourly

I nodded.

He scoffed again and shook his head I put the keys in the ignition and started it

"Come on I'm gonna take you home…" she said quietly

"That's it?"

"Yeah… that's all I can do Jacob."

A snarl ripped through his chest violently

"This isnt how it is supposed to be! You are giving me up! And you never think about how this feels for me!" I had never heard Jacob yell at me I put my head down and started backing out. I coudlnt think. But I just drove and drove in silence. Jacob got out of the car as soon as we were there and stalked off towards his house

"Jake."

"Bye bells. Have a great time being one of them…" Carlisles mercedes was in the driveway he appeared in the doorway and looked at me and then Jake and shook his head.


	11. Chapter 11

I Screamed For You

I lied

To you

The same way that always do

This is

The last smile

That I'll fake for the sake of being with you

Chapter 1 ½: Let me scream for just a moment.

A/N okay I lied. That wasn't the last chapter. Lol. I had to write more I have fun writing this one xD so you guys who wantme to continue are in buissness xDD

JPOV

I sat under the hot water I couldn't breathe I had been choking on the sobs that wouldn't come for hours now. She chose him she really chose him. Even after what we shared, even after she knew I wouldn't ever find anyone other than her she was willing to let me just wait and wait for her. no matter what she was I would still always love her. I would always remember her as the fragile warm vampire she is. I choked again on the oncoming sob but of course like it always did it stopped before it came out I needed her to live and she didn't even care. I loved her so much that it hurt me and she wouldn't even let me have what I needed.

She loved me more than him. And still she stayed by his side. And she was going to have sex with him even after I was with her. he would just lose control and kill her. I should just accept that fact. At least that way she wouldn't be my enemy and it wouldn't be so hard to just get one glimpse of her

In human or not I would still want to see her

I stood and got out of the shower the dizzy overwhelming me from loss of blood. My arm ached I was deep this time luckily the vamp left hours ago or he would have known. He seemed to know that Bella was making the wrong decision just by the way when he worked over me as we actually spoke he talked about them. He knew she needed a natural life. I scoffed now the onlt person who needed to realize it was her. and of course the possive husband of hers. I choked again on a growl this time. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to rip him to shreds. I smiled at the thought. but I wouldn't just so that she wouldn't be angry with me. I dried off and put on my clothes walking to my bedroom and laying down on the small bed and looking at the ceiling. I watched the white until my mind was making designs on the ceiling.

BPOV

I woke to Edward laying down on the bed next to me

"Did I wake you?" he whispered in the darkness

"No… I was awake" I lied

"Well morning love."

"Can we just change me here?" I suddenly blurted out

"Bella… what about your desires?"

"Its… fine… I can wait…" I pictured Jacobs dark body grinding against mine as he fucked me.

"No Bella. I think in a way you are right… you do need that human experience. I am sure it is very different as a vampire…"

"Can we just stay here? I don't wanna leave…" I muttered. I wanted this to happen as soon as possible so I couldn't change my mind.

"Um… if you want to…" Edward mumbled for the first time ever.

"I'm sorry, I just don't… wanna go anywhere…"

"Its fine Bella." Edward said smiling… he leaned in pressing his stone lips to mine. It was hard to pretend it was Jacob with the coldness of him and how hard he was. I had never noticed he was like kissing a rock until now. But for some odd reason I wanted him. Regardless. I buried my fingers in his hair and kissed him hard he pryed me away easily

"Bella… not here…."

"No. here. I want this to happen today. I want you to bite me today."

"Bella…" he sighed

"What?"

"Must you be so impatient?" he said smiling and pressing his stone lips to my forehead

"Yes. I do."

"Not here. How about in our meadow?"

"sure. I hope you can run really fucking fast…"

My profanity caught him off guard but he just smiled

"Patience, love." He said as he picked me up and we were in a blur of motions.

Within 10 minutes we were in the meadow he laid me down in the grass kissing me softly the cold was making me shiver but I wanted this to go quickly so I couldn't go back to Jacob. I knew in the back of my head that he was the better choice for me. But I knew it would hurt Edward and I didn't wanna hurt anyone. I realized Edward was kissing my neck lightly I was so distant. I was surprised he hadnt noticed yet

On cue

"Bella why are you so… distant…" he said quietly to me

"I'm not. I just want this to happen. I cant wait to be one of your kind" I had the girt my teeth. In a way it kind of sickened me, the idea of being one of his kind. Sickened me.

I realized he had resumed his kissing and I foucused really hard on pretending it was Jacob. He slid off his shirt and mine simultaniously and ran his cold fingers over my stomach.

JPOV

I watched the clock again this had become a natural thing for me now

5:00 the sun was going be setting in less then 2 hours. And Bella would be leaving soon. I growled and stood from the bed that I hadn't gotten off of since I laid down in it. I strode to my car. I didn't know why I chose to torture myself like this but I did before I opened it the stench of vampire hit me strong

"Alice why are you here again?" I said frustrated

"Aw. How did you know it was me?" Her bell voice chimed

"I know your scent and you are the only one annoying enough to actually stalk me and get here."

"Aw. I stalk you… you like it" she giggled to herself and was suddenly in front of me sparkling

"Well. Why don't you just murder someone right here and shout 'ima vampire!'" I said sourly

"Come with me." she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the shadows. Her touch sickened me, but I didn't wanna hurt her feelings so I kept my hand in hers

"so why are you here?" I asked bitterly as I pulled my hand from hers

"your going to her house…" she said

"Well yeah. I was. Thanks for the interruption"

"your gonna thank me for it. Edward was gonna be there when you showed up. and I didn't want there to be a… problem…"

"a problem?"

"Yeah. A fight"

"You saw one?"

"Yeah. I did"

"Well maybe he would kill me and life might be a little easier on me…" I muttered bitterly

"No…" she said quietly

"So I would have won?"

She put her head down nodding one short bob.

"Ooh."

"Yeah." I smiled to myself picturing that in my head and smiling. Alice growled at me

"What? You said it not me." I said innocently Alice flitted to my side

"He is gone now. You can go…"

"Too bad you couldn't have let me just GO." I smiled to myself and started walking to my car I started it and turned Alice was standing in the shadows looking at me. I rolled down the window

"You are a stalker." I muttered

"that's rude to say to a lady" she said as she ran her fingers through her spikey hair.

"Is there something you wanna say?" suddenly she was in the car sparkling by me

"I know Edward isnt right for her."

"I have known… since… you and her… I know. and I have even tried to stop it."

"Atleast someone realizes it"

"Carlisle does too. Me and him are the only ones that see it though. She stays with him because she doesn't wanna hurt him… but I think in retrospect that she is hurting you way more than she can comprehend"

I sat there stunned.

"there's nothing I can do to fix this. But… shes going to be bitten at 11:00 tonight. And I cant stop it. Not alone." Alice said

"What do you want me to do?"

"Well first of all talk her out of it. Second of all if that doesn't work you can come with me… but we will talk about that when the time comes."

"Do you have a plan."

"Its only an IDEA."

"do you see me succeding in talking her out of it?"

"I don't see anything."

"Ooh…"

"Go Jacob. Your gonna need as much time as possible…" the black haired pixie said as she flitted out of the car and through the woods. I put the car in reverse and started driving to Bellas as quickly as could get my car to go.

A/N: I'm sorry about the cliff hanger you guys. Lol. I'm thinking on about 3 or 4 more chapters but who knows. That may change. lol


	12. Chapter 12

**Authors Note **

****IMPORTANT PLEASE READ****

_**I know you guys couldn't care less what I have to say unless its writing the story. Lol. But I will talk to you, and if you aren't reading I will talk to myself. Lolol**_

*****I have another myspace that I am making especially for Fanfiction previews. Which means you can just read the unedited versions of my stuff earlier then when I post on Fanfiction its gonna be awhile until I have this one all done. But I HAVE started creating it. Lol. I don't have a link to it yet but if you go to look for a person or whatever and type in**

_**Rawrimadragon yahoo . com**_

_**Under the email option it will come up with **_

_**Krista (cupcakes taste like violence) and this is my newest myspace. It isn't done yet, Its under construction so if you chose to add this ignore all the Jeffree star stuff. Lol. I'm working on making it into a Fanfiction site so people can read my stuff before I post**_

_**And also it is for suggestions. I seriously WILL write whatever ideas you guys can think up. lol. I LOVE to write and I absolutely ADORE fans :D they kinda make my day :D but don't be scared because I am actually a REALLY nice person. **_

_**Okay next subject on that myspace. In the blog section and maybe even a scroll box I am thinking on posting little things, you know, important outfits, places and other things. **_

_**Like for example, Jakes hotel, or his razorblade. Something like that. So all the more reason to add me on that MySpace, just message me or something lol**_

_**And then more babbling. Lol**_

_**I will also be making playlists on that myspace for each chapter :D **_

_**(all the more reason to add it :D)**_

_**Okay so I realize that all came out in a great blabber of excitement**_

_**So. This new myspace, to get to it go to**_

_**FIND FRIENDS**_

_**And type in **_

_**Rawrimadragon yahoo . com**_

_**MAKE SURE YOU CLICK ON THE EMAIL OPTION**_

_**Or it will come up with jibberish**_

_**So the whole idea of this it**_

_**-pictures of important things in the chapters**_

_**-Sneak Previews :D**_

_**-Playlists for each chapter**_

_**-You can message me and give me any idea for a chapter you have and I will write it all out for you :D**_

_**-And of course fan art :D of anything. Lol Jacob Black, Bella, Edward :D whoever. Lol. ME :D ahahhahaha**_

_**Okay so ADD ME**_

_**ADD ME**_

_**ADD ME**_

_**ADD ME**_

_**ADD ME**_

_**ADD ME**_

_**ADD ME**_

_**ADD ME**_

_**ADD ME**_

_**:D**_

_**As soon as the site is up and working I will let you know :D right now it has nothing to do with Fanfiction but as soon as I can I will update all of it and fix it up**_

_**Okay so now that you have read all of my blabber**_

_**I will give you a playlist of this story thus far. Lol**_

_**And a new chapeter :D if you read all of this you are a trooper and deserve if not. Well poo on you. lol **_

_**---**_

_Hanging By A Moment- Lifehouse_

_How Long- Hinder_

_By The Way- Hinder_

_Better Than Me- Hinder_

_Don't Go Away- Buckcherry_

_Nothing Good About Goodbye- Hinder_

_Bliss (I don't wanna know)- hinder_

_Forever- Papa Roach_

_Ready When You Are- Trapt_

_Breaking Inside- Shinedown_

_Never Enough- Five Finger Death Punch_

_My Heart- Paramore_

_Say Goodnight- Bullet For My Valentine_

_What I've Done- Linkin Park_

_--_

_**:D **_

_**XD**_

_**I hope you guys agree with my plalist. So yeah. That's my whole plan of MySpace. :D So yeah again ADD ME and of course R&R my story I love to hear from you guys :D**_

_**Love, Kristaff Jeepers 3**_

D: please add or I will be heart broken. And I would have waisted a lot of time. Lol

D: 

/3


	13. Chapter 13

I Screamed For You

When this began

I had nothing to say

And Id get lost in the nothingness

Inside of me

And I let it all out to find

That I'm not the only person with these things

In mind

Chapter ? ½: Negativity

AN: sorry I don't know the number for this chapter. I don't have my laptop right now. And that computer has ALL OF MY stories on it. And internet. So I have NO IDEA. Lol. Its somewhere between 1 and 20. Lol

Rawrimadragon yahoo . com  Add on MySpace for sneak previews, pictures, playlists and more :D

^Don't Email that email though. because I don't have the password so I will never ever get the message. lol

BPOV

As he ground against me I couldn't help but wish I was somewhere different. Edward had no pull anymore. He wasn't what I wanted. And he felt nothing like Jacob, I wanted to just hurry up and be one of them so I could seal my fate. I didn't wanna hurt Edward but I didn't love him. I cared. But not like that anymore, but I knew he had forever to live with it and Jacob only had at most 100 years to live with it.

I had my reasons.

And I figured it was the lesser of the two evils. I didn't hurt Edward but Jacob wouldn't live as long as Edward would with the pain. And I could deal with it, I got myself in this mess, so I could live with the pain for the rest of eternity, knowing that Jacob was my soul mate and Edward was just a vampire that, yes, for him to have a life with me, I had to be something different than I was.

I was barley aware of Edward sexing me as I lost myself in my own thought.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked me as he still moved inside of me

"Yeah… just keep going…" I said as passionately as I could muster up. it just sounded frustrated to my own ears but he must have believed me because he did as I said. I just tried my hardest to picture Jacobs short black hair, instead of Edwards golden hair, I found it easiest to pretend it was Jacob when I looked directly into Edwards blackened eyes, they were a similar shade of darkness. I morphed Edwards cold body into Jacobs heat and before I knew it felt so much better to me.

"Oooh, harder" I begged him. I forced myself to not think his name. it was Jacob in my mind. He moved harder on my body I dug my nails into the grass as 'he' fucked me. I stared into his dark eyes picturing Jakes abs and dark russet skin, the sheen of a cold sweat running over his perfectly muscled skin. He bared his perfectly white and straight teeth

"Ooh, god… I'm so close" I groaned. When I had said that to Jake he had smiled at me as he drilled me into the bed. I just played that in my mind over and over, until the explosion of orgasm ran me over and over like a semi. I imagined myself saying Jacobs name but I kept my mouth shut making sure to never utter his name, no matter how much I wanted to say his name. I couldn't.

JPOV.

I looked at the clock. Parking the car. I could smell the leech. He had been here less than 10 minutes ago. I growled to myself and ran my fingers through my hair I rested my head lightly on the steering wheel and ran my fingers over my wrist. Sighing. I contemplated going back home. But I had to see her. I was addicted, and no matter how much I wished I didn't, I liked it. I touched my neck I could feel the heat of the hickey there. She had bitten me as soon as she had started to orgasm without even noticing it. I smiled thinking about it. I moved my hand further up feeling my pulse it was beating wildly out of control, it always did this when I was near her. I could smell her. she was in her room. Charlie wasn't home yet. I slid my hand through my hair one last time before grabbing the keys out of the ignition and getting out of the car and walking to the door. I knocked out of privacy, and I knew she hated it when I snuck up on her. I didn't have to try too terribly hard to do that though.

She opened the door and I was overwhelmed by the scent instantly.

Vampire

Strawberry shampoo

Some sort of pasta

Bellas sweet scent

And the one that enraged me

The salty scent of cum

She fucked him

An involuntary snarl ripped violently out of my chest she jumped back

"Jake?"

I had smelled that all in less than a second

"Bella…" I said it acidly

This is why I would have killed him if he was here, and right now I wouldn't mind ripping his body into a million pieces and watching him burn.

"What's wrong Jake?"

I scoffed

"So… do you think of me while he fucks you?" I growled the words

She looked shocked.

"What?" she sqeeked the word

"Yeah. Do you?" my words were calm now as I leaned against the door frame and picked at my nails. I caught a glimpse of my wrist and was momentarily dazed.

"Jacob…"

"That's not an answer… I ASKED, DO YOU… THINK… OF ME… WHEN HE… FUCKS YOU." I unnunciated everything like she was stupid.

"Does it matter?" she asked

"Answer me Bella"

"No… I don't…" she looked guilty

"So I meant nothing to you? Wait- No—of course I didn't…" I said the words quietly. I could feel the choking sensation coming

"You do… I love you… come in the house Jacob. Please…"

"Why?"

"You drove here for a reason"

"Yeah and he scent of his cum sickened me, at least I was polite." I growled finally meeting her chocolate brown eyes.

"What do you mean by that?" she asked leaning closer to me involuntarily

"I didn't just explode inside of you…"

She didn't say anything. She looked away from my gaze towards the floor I sat in the silence saying nothing. It hurt more than it should that she had sex with her husband. After all that's what married people do… I felt sick to my stomach. The scent of him was making me ill.

I had come here to talk her out of him. But I couldn't do it now. I was enraged. She had sex with him. All I could picture was her and him screwing. With his snarls and her screaming his name. begging for him for more. I shook my head lightly trying to shake the image.

Her skin was so beautiful he didn't deserve to touch her like that

"Were you a virgin?" she asked

I was suddenly ashamed. I didn't wanna tell her.

I ran my fingers through my hair and the choking sensation came with full force

"Yeah… I was…" the words came out strained

I gave her a part of me that she would always have. No matter what.

I looked at her wrist she had the charm bracelet on, the one I had given her. the big diamond the bloodsucker gave her absent. Just the small wolf I carved. It momentarily warmed me until I breathed in again and his scent invaded my nostrils I had the urge to bleed at that moment. A lot. I wanted to see blood. And A LOT of it. More than I had ever seen. I wanted it so bad. The silence was making me want it more and more.

"So was I." Bella mumbled

My head jerked up from staring at the ground

"What?"

"I was."

She met my gaze again and it looked like she was gonna cry, I didn't see any regret in her face though. the cords on my heart pulled me towards her. but I fought them and stood looking deep into her eyes. The moment was intense. I wanted to touch her. suddenly the scent of him wasn't such a problem. I didn't care as much. I heard a low gurgle in her throat and then she was sobbing. I caught her before she fell to the ground. I pulled her against my chest caressing her softly. I carried her to the living room laying down on the couch with her. holding her close to me. and rubbing her back and wiping her tears. She sobbed against my bare chest and grabbed at my body needily. I held her close as she cried. She trusted me. oddly that was comforting. I thought about my previous urge for blood and it didn't appeal to me with her in my arms. She was the cure to the disease I had developed. She said my name softly as she cried. She wasn't sobbing anymore. She was just whimpering against my chest.

"Yeah baby." It felt right coming out of my mouth. The smell of him no longer sickened me. it didn't matter if she had been with him. I loved her. and that's all that mattered. She looked up at my face and slid her hands up to my face cradling my face. My pulse quickened. She could probley feel my heart beating. She moved up pressing her lips to mine the movement surprised me as hard as it was, I pulled away

She looked at me with shocked and hurt eyes

"No, I can't. You are married"

"Jacob…" she muttered my name quietly I shook my head lightly

"No. I just. Cant. You are going to be one of them in less than 2 days Bella. and then you will never have me again. So I might as well get it into your head while you are a human" the words shaved piece by piece of my heart off. But I couldn't let it hurt me. they were words that needed to be said. And actions that needed to be taken if she was going to be with the vampire.

"I- I… I cant breathe…" she said she was sobbing again. I pulled her close to my chest and ran my fingers through her silky hair.

"Breathe honey… its gonna be okay"

"No.. its—not." She sobbed out the words

"Your gonna hyperventilate you NEED to CALM DOWN"

"i—i—cant.. I…" she tried to sob out. I let go of her so she could breathe easier but she clinged back onto me

"Please—please don't… go… please… Jake.."

"I'm not going honey. Please calm down…"

"But.. nothing—is gonna… be… o… k…" she was going to hyperventilate.

"Bella I love you. please calm down. Please…" I didn't have any idea how to fix it if someone did hyperventilate I hadn't been to school in months. i didn't need to. I was a wolf now. And that was my 'priority' I rubbed her back as she breathed quickly and sharply

"Take deep breaths. Please calm down Bella" I begged her. she tried to take deep breaths clinging to my body. Her breath was shaking

"I love you. I love you so much" she managed to say it clearly

"I love you too honey. Are you calm now?" I asked her softly. Her breath was still shaking

"Yeah… calm enough…" her voice was shaking I moved back so I could see her face. Her cheeks were tear stained. I touched her face lightly and ran my fingers through her hair the movement felt so right. I needed her. more than she even knew. But right now I had to focus on keeping HER calm

"I love you." she whispered

"I love you too bells" I said just as quietly.

"I want you so bad…" she said as she looked away from my eyes

"What do you mean?"

"I think about you. I concentrate on the feel of your skin… the feel of your muscles. The heat of your body… the darkness of your eyes. All of it when I'm with him…" she met my gaze again

"I want you…" she continued her sentence. She seemed confident on it.

"You wont change your mind…"

"I need you one last time Jacob… please… so I can pretend its you for the rest of eternity…" the choking came to the forefront of my mind I hadn't ever choked like this. my stomach tightened, my throat closed, my mouth was paralyzed, by heart accelerated. I closed my eyes and concentrated. I couldn't do this. it was just going to hurt both of us more… I couldn't…

A/N:

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	14. Chapter 14

I Screamed For You

Farewell

I miss you

I'm sick these goodbyes

Because they tore us apart

Right from the start

…I miss you…

Chapter ? ½: Sick Of The Goodbyes.

A/N:

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APOV

I sat in the house. Edward was gone, he was on a hunt. He wanted to be fully fed before he bit her. he wanted to take every precaution as he could. He cared about her. but I couldn't let it happen. I just couldn't. it wasn't right. Her life wasn't meant to be like that. I could see her future easily right now. Because both of their minds were made but in hers. She still wanted Jacob. And she would want him for the rest of eternity. She would never get over him. He IS her soul mate. And she was making the wrong decision. I just hoped that Jacob could talk her out of it, I didn't care how, I just didn't wanna have to go into Plan B. I didn't even want to think about plan B. but it would happen if it had to. I could still see her being bitten tonight though, so obviously if he was trying he wasn't making progress. Jasper even knew that Bella wasn't IN love with Edward, and he would help stop this nonsense if needed too.

Edward flashed in my mind. He was on his way back home now. I started to think about other things. Planning outfits. Planning designs, all of it. The norm. if I counted he would know so I just thought about dressing Bella. with her 'new body' I heard him approaching and within a few seconds he was in the house

"Alice?" he asked

"Yes Edward?" I said in a normal tone

"do you see any complications?"

"No. none." I went through the visions for him so he could see

"Great."

Red tanktop with a jean skirt, Louis vatoun bag and jimmie chuus. 1 outfit planned. 5 more to go. I thought to myself as I flitted through the closet and hung them together. I was planning my clothing for this week, then I would go work on Rosalies. Which would be fun considering she had all new clothes that I had just bought. Then after that I could go to bellas, and then maybe I could start on Edwards and Emmetts.

"You do not need a whole week of clothing for me. I will be next to Bella. and for her I would get something… durable" I heard Edward from downstairs

"And why would that be?"

"I will be by her side. I will not leave her, and then her clothes are far too easy to tear off. So I would try a little harder on durability." I rolled my eyes and giggled and went back to planning. I shoved the oncoming vision out of my mind before Edward could register it. And decided to hunt

"Slim to nothing out there Alice."

"There's always a deer or two."

"Would you know when Esme and Carlisle will be here so we can start on Bella?"

"I saw them back around 3…"

"Okay. At least she will get her last sleep"

I smiled and flitted from the room. As soon as I was far enough from Edward that he couldn't hear my thoughts I looked in the future.

The scene was a little blurry. But I knew it was Bellas decision that had caused it to happen. Jacob was holding her on the couch trying to calm her. she was going to hyperventilate. He had rejected her for something

"i—i—cant.. I…" she stuttered over her words. Jacob tried to give her breathing room but she clung right back onto him

"Please—please don't… go… please… Jake.."

"I'm not going honey. Please calm down…" he said calmly as he rubbed her back lightly

The scene warmed my cold heart, even though she was in so much pain I was so happy that she loved him, I wanted it to happen like I had seen several times, but I was seeing complications in that vision now.

So I just forced the idea out of my head and took off through the woods hunting the nearest blood I could find.

I needed to feed. There would be blood tonight.

A/N:

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	15. Chapter 15

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	16. Chapter 16

I Screamed For You

I know what scares you the most

…being alone…

Just like them

Being alive…

Feeling so dead…

At least you'll have my heart

Chapter ? ½: Prove I can't Survive without you…

A/N:

Finished Version WHO READ IT ON MYSPACE?! xDD

********

"**I got a single silver bullet shot through my heart, to prove I can't survive without you…"**

********

JPOV

I was paralyzed.

I couldn't do it. I just…

Or could I?

This is what I wanted right? And Alice and me were preventing her from being a vampire tonight anyways. I wanted this. I needed to stop it.

I was having a hard time breathing myself. She stared at me with wide chocolate brown eyes

"Please… I need this…" She pled

I had to give it to her. I had promised long ago I would give her whatever she needed in life and if this was it. Just so she could pretend it was me… I had to do it…

I pressed my lips to hers lightly and pulled her on top of me. touching her bare skin under her shirt, just as I had before her wedding. I was shaking. But not with the wolf in me, it was something else. The cords on my heart were tugging so hard I couldn't breathe correctly. I couldn't think. I just did as my body forced me. I scooped her up and carried her into the bathroom starting the shower and letting it warm up as I kissed her neck softly.

"Jacob… I love you…" she said as I pressed my lips to her collarbone

"I love you too Bella. no matter what."

"Don't go away. Ever. Please… I need you…" I nodded and kissed her perfect pink lips again and stripped her down putting her in the shower and getting in with her. she ran her fingers over my abs and stared into my eyes with her eyes wide with wonder. I leaned against the shower wall and ran my fingers through her damp mahogany hair and pulled her to my lips again it was steamy in the shower. A glint off of something caught my eye and I looked down. There was a razorblade sitting on the soap holder. I tried to force my eyes away but it was beautiful in a sick way to me. Bella saw my gaze and looked over

"You… can have it…" she said trying to be nice

"No…" I said ashamed. I looked down at my wrist with all of its gashes. And then looked back to Bella she put her hands on my chest feeling my heart beating wildly for her

And leaned in kissing me on the neck and moving her lips down to my chest

-She made me shiver internally. I wanted her to touch me more. but the more it happened the more I felt guilty, I knew he loved her and if I was in his position I would be hurt if this happened. I pulled away from her

"Bella… I… I cant do it. If you want me like this you need to chose me. not him I cant stand being second choice, I cant do it. If I was in his postion I would be so hurt…"

Her eyes welled with tears and I wanted to give her everything her heart wanted. But I couldn't make myself do it. My conscious was making it hard for me to do anything. I loved Bella but if I was in his positon this would be crushing.

"I'm sorry bells… I just… I cant… pick me if you want it." I said as I stepped out of the shower

"JAKE! Don't go…" she said brokenly as she sunk to her knees

"I'm sorry baby, I just cant stand for this…" I said as I shoved into my pants and pressed my lips to her cheek I walked out as fast as I could and got in my car starting it. Before I took off I concentrated really hard on my choice to leave so I was sure Alice saw it.

"I'm so sorry Alice…" I talked to myself. I felt stupid but hopefully she would see it

"She cant chose me… so I cant do it… if she chooses me I will, but she wont…" in a sudden movement alice was in my car

"What the HELL?!" she asked

"Ooh… did you see me?"

"Yeah as I was running but I saw this a long time ago. Why are you leaving?"

"I cant be second best to her"

"you aren't."

"Well then she can choose me to prove it"

"Tonight's still happening. I can see it"

"The bite?"

"No. me and you…"

"Jasper too?"

"Yes. Meet me in the woods at 1:00 follow my scent and we will go. Okay?"

Then she was gone. Her flittyness make me annoyed. I growled and started the car pulling out of the drive way and heading home.


	17. Chapter 17

I Screamed For You

You better pray

That there's another way out

You better pray

that someone's listening now

No angels gonna hear your cry for help

Chapter ? ½: cold

A/N

This isn't getting posted on Fanfiction for quite awhile. Lol. It's a work in preogress, so let me know what you think, message me, comment me, something.

_The whole plan was working through my head_

I didn't know if I could do this to Bella, she wanted to be one of them, and me and Alice shouldn't interfere, no matter what happened we shouldn't stop something Bella wanted, though in the back of my mind I knew she wanted me more 'so I can pretend its you for the rest of eternity' echoed through my mind. That was solid proof there that she wanted me, not him, she always thought of me more than she thought of him. I thought briefly about in the shower, and it sent me aching for my blade, I don't know why that was the one thing I remembered the most, not bellas body, but it was the addiction working through me, I wanted it because I was addicted, and I was addicted because I felt that without it, I had nothing. I figured this whole plan of Alice's plan would just end up back fireing on us. when I had called her to ask her about it she had just said "well were gonna have to try, even if we have to try and die for her, I'm willing to chance it. I would do anything for Bella" at least she loved her. if she did end up as a monster she would have alice. and Alice was a good person.

I shoved my hair out of my face searching for the one thing I knew would clear my head at the moment. As soon as I found it I was dazed. It made my legs weak. It made my hands shake, eyes un focus, it really had a hold of me. I needed it now. I pressed it to the only part of my skin I had left um marred, and slid it across, it went through my skin so easily, it was like cutting through water, it went so easily. the blood dripping to the bed excited me every time I did this it made me feel more than I had ever felt in life. since Bella had left my life and returned to her bloodsucker at least. I pictured her lips pressed to mine softly. I wanted her to be mine. Not his. All she was to him was yet another possession he could call his. He made me sick. I felt the choking sensation coming to the for front of my throat. It seemed to get tighter and tighter on me, just like when I tried to commit suicide. The rope just got tighter and tighter. It felt a lot like this. only when I stopped breathing I had passed out and woke with the vampire working over my body. I had broke my neck, and paralyzed my body, if it wasn't for that doctor, I would have died, but he wouldn't let me. I growled at the thought. in this weaker state of mind I was more human than I had ever been, my sense of hearing was starting to dull down, my scent was starting to die down, all of it was going, I didn't have to work as hard to concentrate on a normal speed. And obviously, I didn't heal as fast. I wondered if I even COULD phase. I looked at the clock. It was 11:30. There was a lot of time before I had to go. I wondered idly if I should try to phase, but I decided against it they would all be waiting to pounce on me. and I didn't know if I could hide my thoughts well enough. I had gotten good at it. But now that I was so used to just thinking everything I wanted I doubted I could do it

I heard billy tossing and turning in his bed down the hall them him finally sitting up and putting his feet on the floor he was gonna come to my room. I knew it. He always checked on me a few times a night. I grabbed a blanket and pulled it over my lower body hiding my arms. Not that he didn't know that I did it. But I still didn't want him to see it. I heard him carefully shuffle to his wheelchair and wheel (what he thought was stealthy) to my room. He creaked the door open

"Your awake." He said surprised

"Yeah, I am."

"You staying home tonight?"

"No… I have… patrol…"

"Ooh. Okay. So you are going back to protecting the tribe?"

"Yeah, with Bella on the verge of being… one of them… she could be violent. And as soon as she's bitten it's a war…"

Billy sighed wheeling into the room

"You have to do this Jacob."\

"I know I do. I have to do what's right for the tribe… I cant just… sit like this. I have to kill her if she does become. Who knows what she will be… she could be something totally different… but who knows. She may be the same person only immortalized. I don't know."

"she will be crazed Jacob, you know that, you have seen the newborns."

"some had their composure."

"In a human feeding life. she doesn't have that life. she will be thirsty, and ran by her instincts."

"I just don't think I can do it. It's a fucked off law."

"You have to son. When are you going on patrol?"

"I'm going at about… 12."

"okay good luck"

"yeah" he wheeled out.

That whole fight wasn't happening. I wouldn't let it. If she did get bit, and she did turn. Which I wouldn't let happen, but if it did. I would keep her safe. I would take her wherever she needed to go. No matter how much of a savage she was. And I would teach her with Alice how to do it correctly. And even if I had to do it alone I would do it. But she would be composed before I left her life forever so I could know that she was in a good place before I left her.

My cell phone rang next to me.

"Hello?"

"Jacob, we need to go now, the times have changed in the vision, hurry. Meet me at the boundry next to the street and we will go. But we need to hurry. Its already started." the line went dead and I jumped up and out the window in the biggest hurry I have ever been in. as soon as I hit the woods I blew up. it was the question I had asked myself many times in the last week, and yes, I could still phase. I was shooting through the woods faster than I had run since I had become this.

_Jake. _It was Quil

_Go home buddy don't you dare tell anyone what I'm doing_

_I want to help Jacob._

_Cant. _

I ran faster and I was at the boundry I could smell the sweet scent of Alice that I was starting to grow accustomed to.

_You think the leech smells nice?_

_Go Quil. And don't tell ANYONE. Remember when you ran away and wanted to not be a wolf anymore? I helped you do it. And I kept it a secret too. I don't want to be a wolf anymore. But I have a purpose right now. And if they 'help' it will ruin everything._

_I wont tell man. You know that I didn't even tell anyone I saw you that night. _

_Thank you quil_

_No prob. If you need help just send me a howl. _There was the sparkle of him leaving and I was alone. I caught onto Alice's scent and followed it. I saw her standing motionlessly in the woods

"We need to do this silently." She muttered I nodded my wolf head

"you have to go around the back. Follow the wind to hide your scent. there will be an open window and I will meet you there. Phase. Let me rub off as much of your scent as I can, and we will enter the house, there will be a door to the left, that's Esme and Carlisles room. Hide your thoughts, as much as you can, Edward wont be listening, then meet Jasper in the dining room. Then He will lead you to the top of the stairs. Stay there. And then as soon as I come out with Bella you go in and help Jasper." I nodded and Started walking towards the house following the wind.

_My thoughts overwhelmed me. going over the plan a few times before I started to hide all of my thoughts simmering them down to a dull chatter of nothing that would catch his attention_

A/N: what do you guys think? like it?

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	18. Chapter 18

Url for my new myspace

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	19. Chapter 19

I Screamed For You

I think I m drowning

Can someone lend a hand

Can someone save me?

Cuz I don't think I can

Its hard to reach for you

When I'm lying face down

Chapter: Control

As I followed along the wind I couldn't helpl but to quiver with excitement. In a sort of way it was excititing to actually be doing something

I phased and jumped through the open window that Alice had promised. Jasper was in the dining room looking as coy as possible. He motioned up the stairs and flitted off. I walked as vampiric as I could manage. I didn't want Edward to notice anything out of the ordinary. Though he was probley accustom to the clonk of Bellas walking. I smiled to myself as I thought about her. the texture of her perfect hair played through my mind and I had to force myself to think quieter. I was good at this. at least I had been. i saw Jasper at the top of the stairs. He motioned silently towards the door. This wasn't in the plan… I followed his instructions and walked in. Alice was standing in the room. I could see the leech leaning over Bella I looked at Alice in a panic. I didn't think what I wanted to think but she cooly ran her fingers through her hair. An obvious signal for me to just cool down. I could feel the heat of anger. I could smell the spilled blood.

"I don't know Alice. is her heart beat strong enough?"

"yes. It is. But that's not important Edward. Can I please speak to you alone?"

"Why is the mutt here?"

"Sam. We made a deal"

"Ah" Edward read through alices mind and Alice smiled calmly.

"I don't want to leave her" she added

"It will only be a moment."

"What did you want to discuss"

"Well actually I wanted to talk to you about Jake. But I would like to be alone.."

"Ooh… I see" Edward cleared his throat.

"Yes." Alice said as she motioned outwards. Edward nodded and started walking out with one last glance at the sedated and bitten Bella. I saw Jasper standing outside of the door. He smiled smugly at me and looked at alice and pointed non chanaltly at Bella alice put up 2 fingers and nodded. I had no idea what we were doing but this better be good. Alice took us all the way outside and into the garage

"So what's going on alice?"

"Its Jacob."

"Well I gathered that from your filthy little thoughts. Does Jasper know?"

"Jasper is in the dark. I wanted advice…" I was getting confused.

"Well I don't know what to tell you Alice."

"I love him. And he loves me. right Jacob?" she looked at me blinding me with the full power of her eyes. I got it now

"Yes I would do anything for her"

I could hear footsteps and fast ones. There were 2 people running up stairs. This was our new game. I smiled hugely

"Well. If you really love him you need to tell Jasper."

"Jasper must have felt it by now." Alice said. She was starting to panic. I heard a crashing sound and Edward noticed it too

"Bella?!" he said startled.

"She is fine Edward" Alice said in a panicked voice.

"No. I need to go see her."

"EDWARD!" Carlisle was suddenly in the room with Emmett. Alice pulled me to her in an instant and pressed her stone lips against mine and kissed me with everything she had. I buried my fingers in her short spikey black hair kissing her back passionately she must have this planned. I was disgusted in a way. But in another I liked it. But only enough that I could manage to kiss her back. I pulled her against my body. Every vampire in the room was still. This was her plan to distract them just the right amount of time. She pulled her lips away from mine with her fingers buried in my hair

"Jacob, please. I want to marry you and be with you for the rest of eternity"

"I do to Alice. forever" I mumbled. Everyone was frozen in place

She pressed her frozen lips to mine again and pulled back

"when I say run, run" she whispered so low I knew no one else would hear I nodded lightly and touched her face

"THEY TOOK HER!"

"Run." She whispered

I looked at her like she was crazy

"GO!" she yelled i took off running I phased and was off. I followed the only scent I knew in the woods. It was Jasper.

APOV

Edward attacked me onto the ground

"why would you take her from me?!" he shouted

"SHE ISNT IN LOVE WITH YOU! I TOLD YOU! AND YOU WOULDN'T STOP! SO I TOOK IT INTO MY OWN HANDS"

I showed him everyone of my visions of their sex. He jumped back hurt by the thoughts

Emmett was pulling him away suddenly

"Edward. Cool down. This isn't Alice's fault"

"YES IT IS! SHE LET IT HAPPEN‼!"

"because she didn't want you!"

"SHE SAYS SHE DOES!"

"she doesn't." I said acidly

"You had this planned all along didn't you?"

"Well. Not the kissing part. That was all unplanned. But it worked."

"YOU ARENT A CULLEN‼! YOU ARE A LIAR!"

"Aren't we all?"

I said as I raised an eyebrow

"You knew about this and you didn't stop it?"

"No. I didn't she loves HIM not you, they were bound the moment they saw eachother when he phased, I told you not to leave her, but you did! Its not anyone's fault but your own!" I said Emmett pulled him harder and harder back

"Alice. run. I cant hold him much longer"

"Let him kill me. it will be on his conscious forever."

A/N: okay good chapter?! You like?! R&R‼‼ I love my fans‼!

I had to delete my myspace for this. I had way too much spam. Sorry 


	20. Chapter 20

*I Screamed For You*

So Cut My Wrists

And Black My Eyes

So I Can Fall Asleep Tonight

..Or Die…

Chapter: Alice, Please.

A/N: sorry for the slow updating. I never ever have the time to do anything anymore it seems like. so sorry if it is super slow. I'm trying though 3

JPOV

As I ran through the woods I could feel myself shaking internally, I couldn't breathe right. For some reason I felt the choking sensation, I felt like I was dying in a body that I had never felt that in. I pushed myself faster, I needed to see her, I needed to know she was okay. I needed this. in a way I was panicked over her going with Jasper, he is newest to the Cullen lifestyle, and he is the most likely to loose control. I felt like I was running through molasses, the panic was getting tougher and tougher to bare. I knew I was getting close, I could smell him, the sickly sweet smell of vampire. I tried to push the panic away from me so he wouldn't know, but it was getting worse and worse as I got closer.

What if he had killed her?

What if we couldn't fix what she was becoming?

What if Edward had killed her?

What if Alice was wrong about everything?

The more I thought the harder it became to run. I pushed through the murkiness of my thoughts into a small field that Jasper was sitting in. alone.

I looked around. I could smell her, I knew she was close by. He was sitting alone on a rock not breathing and holding his chest I phased slipping my pants on

"Where is she?"

"In the woods"

"What if another one of you came along and killed her?"

"They wont. Alice would have seen it" he said acidly

"You seem to have a lot of faith in something that could easily change"

"I would smell them"

"And if you didn't?"

"I would"

An uncontrollable snarl ripped though my chest, Jasper raised an eyebrow

"Grumpy?" he asked simply

"Hmm, considering the circumstances? Yes. I am"

"Calm down Jacob. Everything will be okay?"

"What are we supposed to do?!"

"We wait for Alice. there is nothing else we CAN do"

"And if Edward kill—"

"DON'T, finish that sentence" Jasper said sharply

"you know it's a poss—" before I could finish the sentence Jasper had be by my throat against a tree

"Its not a possibility. It is not going to happen, she will get here, and everything will be FINE" he snarled the words violently and let me drop down. I landed on my feet easily

I stared at him for a moment, for some reason I couldn't bring myself to be angry, I didn't want to hurt him. Suddenly I heard a high pitched scream. It was Bella

APOV

I held him with Emmett against the wall

"Now, you can choose to accept or decline, and leave us forever…"

"Why should I make room for YOU?"

"Because, I didn't just try to kill you."

"you KNEW this. you KNEW she was with him, and you never TOLD ME!"

"No, I didn't, because I knew you would go kill him"

"And what would that have harmed?! If you would have let her she would have been with me forever‼"

"she would have never been happy."

He snarled and snapped at my face. I ducked it easily

"you don't understand Edward, she doesn't love you, she loves him, she was destined to be with him"

"Each second you WAIST sitting here she is becoming one of us, she is becoming, cold, hard and immortal."

"Because of YOU."

"No, because of HER she ASKED me to!"

"LIES!" I screamed

"No, Not lies Alice. she wanted to be immortal, she asked me so I gave her what she wanted. If you knew I made love to her, how didn't you know she asked for me to do it as soon as possible?"

"Your Lying Edward Cullen."

"No."

"Your mind games don't work with me!"

Suddenly I was pulled into something else, it was Bella, I could see Jasper and Jacob over her she was screaming, the venom was in her blood stream. I shook my head lightly

"I need to go" I said simply. I looked at Edward he was smiling at me smugly

"She is going to be one of us. you cannot stop it. You waited too long"

I glared at him and turned away and started to run through the woods following Jacobs scent

A/N: I know I know. not a very good chapter. I'm working on another one. Right now :p be happy. smile for me and always R&R it makes me very happy :p if I can get 10 reviews I will give you 2 chapters within the week. I PROMISE 3

I love you guys 3 fans are my favorite 3


	21. Chapter 21

I Screamed For You

Think Twice Before You

Touch My Girl

Come Around I'll Let You

Feel The Burn

Chapter: 21

**New chapter. are you guys over joyed!?**

**well i would be if i was you. ahaha**

JPOV

her screaming was deafening

Jasper sighed.

"its just the venom..."

"Cant you stop it?!" i said panicked

"No. I Cant."

"Alice SAID you could suck it out"

"Me? no. i cant. im not strong enough"

"the venom will KILL me. i cant...."

"And i will kill her. we HAVE to wait for Alice... And even alice has her weaknesses. she told you even before this happened that even if we got her away from Edward it wasent for sure she would make it... she would definatly survive as immortal but saving her is... risky..."

"i can stop Alice..."

Jasper sighed.

bellas high pitched screams were putting me through agony. i walked into the woods and sat down by her side... i touched her soft skin

"You will make it through this... it will be okay Bella" i whispered as i pulled her into my lap and kissed her clammy forehead.

APOV

i followed Jaspers scent. i didnt know where Edward was but i hoped he was far enough behind me that i could save Bella from the transformation. it had been a long time. i could see her in Jacobs arms. she was screaming. the pain was starting to spread. by the time i got there it could be too late and Jacob would loose her to immortality.

i pushed myself to run faster i was about 30 miles away. i was almost there. i felt like screaming the anxiety was making me feel crazy, unconfortable under my own skin. it was making me sick.

and suddenly i was there. Jasper was sitting on a rock not breathing

"alice...." he breathed lightly

"jasper." i said as i flitted to where Jacob was

i looked through the future but it was all murky. i couldnt see with Jacob standing so near

"Jacob. i know this sounds crazy... but i need you to leave."

"im NOT leaving her side."

"i cant see PAST you."

"Im not leaving her."

"Please. Jacob. she doesnt have long the venom is already seeping into her blood stream..."

Jacob stared at me eyes huge in disbelife. and stood handing bellas limp body into my arms.

"It will be ok Jacob. i will call you when i am done..."

"Dont... Talk to me...."

"Im saving her Jacob..."

"And if you loose control?"

"Jasper will stop me... even if that means hurting me"

"And if Jasper looses control?"

"he wont." she snarled

"its happened"

"Have a little faith in us Jacob."

he snorted a laugh and rolled his eyes. and ran off into the woods. i looked through the future, i saw me over bella sucking the venom from her blood i could taste the sweetness of her blood in my mouth already. i leaned into her neck, closed my eyes and stopped breathing. it is now or never.

"Bella. this may hurt a little" i said quietly as i wrapped my lips around the wound


	22. Chapter 22

**I Screamed For You**

The Eyes of the

City are counting the tears as

Their falling down

Chapter : Don't Make It True

A/N:

Hey guys. Sorry I am updating soooo slow. I suck. I know. lol. I'm working on it. My laptops charger totally broke and snapped in half and I'm just a poor person from Minnesota so I had to wait all life's eternity (it felt like) to get a new one to get my computer to work again

So sorry

Ima try and make this a long chappy for you

Lol

I love you all :D:D:D

Enough blabbing. More writing. Lol

**APOV**

As her blood touched my tongue I felt the instant instinct to feed hit me like a hurricane. I couldn't think I couldn't even find Alice inside of me. I was spinning and giving into the sweetness of isabellas blood. I couldn't stop. In a way I couldn't figure out why I hadent done this sooner. She tasted like perfection. Warm velvety silk caressing my tongue. Holding every taste bud and hitting my overly starved stomach. Nothing could compare to this moment. It was taking over me and possessing who used to be Alice Cullen… there was echos in my mind the words didn't make sense in the context they were put into so I ignored them. Flickers of something happening in the future were flying through my mind, the whole future was changing as soon as my lips hit her skin. This moment was going by so slowly that I felt like I was dragging myself through molassis it was sentual, it was sexual. It was soft and so touchable to take her like this. why hadent this come up sooner?

**Rosalie's POV**

"where did they take her? the trail is cold!" Edward shouted in my face

'you know nothing rosalie' I repeated in my head over and over

"Tell me. Tell me NOW" he was angry. More angry than I had ever seen him in my whole life. well. Exsistance. I wouldn't call this 'life'

"You wont have an exsistance or a life if you don't tell me"

"Threatening me now are we Eddy?"

"you know I hate that"

"What? The fact that I don't Care if you kill me or eddy?"

"you know what. You are just dancing around the fact that you know something about where Alice is…"

"I don't know where they are. No one knows where they are except Jacob, Alice. and Jasper…"

"You know something"

"I don't. do you think that Alice is so stupid as to give me information when she knows you would just pick it out of my head?"

He paused and looked around. Sifting through my head perhaps

"I am…"

I mentally rolled my eyes, I hated when he did this. I ran my hand through my hair and looked past him into the mirror perfecting every strand that had fallen out of place. I had HAD a date with Emmett. Part of alices pla---

"Hah! Your in on it!"

"Did I say that?"

"you didn't have to…"

Edward stared at me his golden eyes boring into mine intensly

"Why do you even want to get that human back so bad?"

"because. I love her. and we are gonna get married still…"

"Hmph…" I scoffed

"you KNOW where they are. I know you know. I can see it"

"Well then your mind abilities must be failing because I know nothing Edward. Now may I leave on my date?"

"why? Its just a part of Alice's Plan"

The date. then she would run---

"see. You know."

"I don't know where they are. I just know the layout of it. Now just shut the fuck up and I'm gone." I stood up and blew a kiss to Edward sarcastically as I walked from the room casually.

**JPOV**

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. what if Alice killed her?

No.

I wouldn't allow myself to think of that

I would Rather Bella be my natural enemy then ever cease to exist.

I was screaming in my mind. I knew I should try to make my thoughts quiet just incase the bloodsucker could find us, but I couldn't

Everything wracked through my body worse and worse. I couldn't stand to be around Jasper and his calm vibe anymore. It was making me feel like a caged beast. A calm blanket spread over a bloodied mess.

My thoughts were racing with every step further I took away from Bella the less I started to know myself and the faster my mind would go. It was like putting fastforward on fast forward. It was making me feel sick the choaking sensation was building so hard in my throat that I thought I was having a heart attack

Then it happened.

Like a over filled water balloon. I popped. I was on the ground the second it happened the sobs raking through my body. Ripping at me and tearing me to pieces my skin felt too tight and my muscles too tense I couldn't stop the uncontrollable screaming wreaking havoc on my body. Everything in me ached I hadn't ever felt anything like this In my entire life. this was true agony. i shoved through my pockets finding the tiny silver object that I knew would make it stop. I stared at it momentarily dazed. Even in the dark it held all of its sparkle and magnificence. It was my drug. my addiction. The human in me needed this. it needed to feel the numbness that this provided me with. The sobs tremored violently through my entire body. I couldn't feel anything but the emotional desolateness that I was so accustomed to…

The sickly sweet smell pulled me out of my tornado of emotions

Jasper walked to my side.

"Jacob. Don't." he said I could feel his attempt at calm over my body it was just making me feel sick.

I pushed my head up out of the dirt and started heaving up water all over the ground through my sobs.

"Your making yourself sick Jacob. You need to stop this." another calm blanket. The vomit kept coming.

Jasper stood silently watching me have a breakdown.

"She's dead by now." I spit out through the sobs and vomit.

"I don't know Jacob. I wish I could tell you that I knew she waent. But I honestly don't know."

"its been too long. Alice said she would come find me as soon as her blood was clean! It took too long for alice to get to her. all of her blood is tainted. You would have to drain her." I shouted through sobs, I clenched my hand aeound the razorblade feeling it cut through layers of my skin easily

"You love her…." Jasper muttered seeming amused.

"of course I do!"

"I guess I never really saw it. Bella loves you too. More than you know…"

"Not more than Edward…"

"Yes. She chose you Jacob."

"Fuck you."

"She did… you know it too. But your scared to admit it to yourself just incase this does end… badly…"

I opened my clenched hand with the razorblade in it Dripping blood onto the vomit soaked dirt.

Jasper blinked hard

"Smell Appetizing?"

"In ways…" he said strained.

I pursed my lips and shoved my hair out of my face and standing up letting the blood drip freely to the ground.

Jaspers eyes watched every drop hit the ground without ever loosing eye contact with me

"I wont kill you Jacob"

"Yes. You will…"

"No. your mistaken."

"She's DEAD."

"You give up hope too easily…"

"hope?"-- I scoffed –"That's what you call it?"

Jasper raised his eyebrows breathing in deeply

"Yes. That is what MOST call it." Jasper said quietly

"You have no idea what I have gone through…" Jasper smiled

"Do you hear that?"

I rolled my eyes

"what do you hear HOPE?" I said sarcastically

"No. I hear Bella…"


	23. Chapter 23

**I Screamed For you**

I'm in the middle of a

break down

Watching you scream

In the middle of a break

down screaming at me

A/N

Make sure you review. Unless people review I wont continue writing. Lol. thers no point if no one is reading them

So even if you arent a Fanfic member you can still review. So please review :D:D:D

**APOV**

She gasped

"Alice…"

The blood on my lips was just a reminder that I was weak. I almost killed her. if I had gone another few seconds she would have died.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I'm so sorry." I plead

"Alice. its ok…"

"God. I'm so weak… I thought I could do this…"

"Alice you DID this. I'm alive. And I am breathing."

"Almost weren't…"

"Not everything goes without struggle…."

I could smell Jacob

"He wants you…" I said quietly

"Jacob?" she said quietly

I nodded and stood Jacob walked out silently. There was dirt all over him and tear stains. He looked at me and I looked down to the floor. I was so ashamed of myself he walked over to me and pulled me into a soft embrace

"Thank you…." he whispered quietly

**JPOV**

"No. Thank you Jacob. None of us could have pulled this off without you…"

I pulled away from her looking at her, black eyes blood all over her mouth and torn clothes. Must have been closer then she had expected

"It was… difficult…" she muttered.

She raised her hand to her lips and touched the blood she blinked hard and quivered

"I need. To… walk." She said she was loosing control I nodded and she disappeared into the woods

I walked to Bella and sat down pulling her into my lap

"Jake…" she said weakly

"Yeah bells." I said memorizing her face. What Jasper said to me suddenly came to the for front of my mind. What if she DID love me more. Alice seemed to think so… Jasper said so…. It was just me that disagreed now. And Jasper was right on why. Its too good to be true.

"Jacob. I love you…" she said my pulse beat violently behind my skin

"I love you too Bella."

My lips ached to press to hers but I couldn't.

In ways I wished I could hate her.

Because there was always that chance she wouldn't live. We needed to get to Carlisle still. And help her she needed blood that much I was sure of just by the way Alice looked.

Deranged and ferial. I touched her face lightly she was drifting with sleep. I breathed in her scent deeply, I had to always remember that if she did… drift forever…

Jasper walked out of the treeline

"would you like me to watch her? alice will be back soon, and I know you still need time to… process?"

"no. I can make sure she is ok Jasper. Thank you though."

He nodded and sat down on a broken tree facing away from me, I assumed he sat so close so if I changed my mind he was here to help but yet to give me privacy. I smiled to myself. I was fond of him. In a weird way I liked him. I smiled at the irony. I thought about everything in these moments I had.

The hotel. Coming back. Making love to her that stood out he most in my mind. It was perfect. It was everything I had hoped for, my first time was with her and even if I had nothing else I had that, I was suddenly reminded of Edward. He had taken her after I did. I idly wondered if he was better. bigger? If he had anything I didn't have to offer other than a lot of money and good looks. But I knew my body appealed to her more. I sighed and banished the thoughts from my head that was the past and I needed to concentrate on the future. It was getting blurry everything was. I was tired. Hadent slept in days.

"We need to go." I heard Alice's tiny voice echo through the woods

"Now?"

"Yes. Carlisle is meeting us in California…"

I looked at her and she knew the question in my eyes before I even said it

"No. he wont come tonight. I've seen his plan. And by the time he executes it. It will be too late and he wont be able to find us…"

I stood with Bella in my arms alice looked at me ashamed

"I can carry her…"

"I'm Sorry I just… cant handle it…"

"I understand." I said quietly. I shook her awake

"Bella. I need you to hold on I said to her as I set her on her feet." I phased and Jasper propped her on my back she grabbed onto my fur and I took off running.


End file.
